


Divergence

by broedym



Series: Parallels [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Death, DameRey, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, POV Rey (Star Wars)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-07-03 03:00:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 40,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15809961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/broedym/pseuds/broedym
Summary: Sequel to In Parallel... Rey and Poe have left Ahch-To in search of the Resistance, and have to navigate their relationship and their futures amid so many unknowns.—This in a continuation of my previous AU which saw Poe accompany Rey to find Luke Skywalker. It draws upon some aspects from TLJ but otherwise we’re in divergent territory.





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to everyone who expressed an interest in reading more of this story...

“Hold still,” Rey ordered as she cleaned the damaged skin on Poe’s knuckles.

He exhaled in frustration and stopped his legs from tapping agitatedly under the table in the _Millennium Falcon_ ’s main hold. Rey poked around in the medkit and found a small pouch.

“Is this it?” She had heard of bacta gel but never seen it before. Poe had insisted it was all he needed to fix his hand, when he finally allowed her to tend to the self-inflicted injury. On his nod she applied a small amount of the gel to his broken skin, then wrapped it in a clean bandage.

Rey inspected her handiwork. “There, all done. Please don’t punch the ship anymore.”

Poe didn’t even try to smile at her light tone and wouldn’t meet her eyes.

“It will be okay,” she said solemnly, which had become something of a mantra. “We’ll find them.”

They were still traveling through hyperspace to a known rendezvous point for the Resistance fleet, and in the past couple of hours they’d said little to each other as they contemplated everything that had happened. They’d been through so much in a short amount of time, culminating in the discovery of the obliterated rebel base. It barely felt real.

The wreckage above D’Qar was extensive, the result of an intense battle, and Rey knew the Resistance losses were undoubtedly significant. But she tried to keep their spirits up, hanging onto the hope that some of them had been able to evacuate.

Poe was less certain. His worry for his comrades, his squadron, and his general was palpable. Rey didn’t have to be Force sensitive, or care about him deeply, to feel it. When both were true, it threatened to overwhelm her. She couldn’t even bring herself to think about Finn – she had to believe he was still alive.

When attempts at communication had failed, all they’d had was their cloaked binary beacon that had brought them back to D’Qar. The fact that they had pinpointed its pair’s location amongst the debris was not something she and Poe had discussed. Or that he’d since deactivated their beacon on the _Falcon_ as a precaution.

The only way they were going to be able to try and track down any survivors from the base would be checking the Resistance rendezvous points. And with nothing more to go on than a list in BB-8’s databanks, they could only check them one by one.

“We’re going to need supplies,” Poe said dully. “Fuel. Food. We’ll have to be careful – this ship is notorious. Somewhere in the Outer Rim maybe, where they won’t ask too many questions.”

Rey bit her lip. “How many rendezvous points are there?”

“A dozen likely ones. More, when we add the smaller bases. D’Qar was the main base but there are a few others we were using for training and storage. Protocol is to avoid those locations after an attack, but they may not have had a choice. The fleet could be anywhere.”

Poe went to run his fingers through his hair and stopped, as if noticing his bandaged hand for the first time. “Thanks for this,” he murmured.

She offered him a small smile. Rey wanted to remind him that they had each other, that she had chosen to stay with him rather than leave to face Kylo Ren like she knew she should. Yet it seemed little consolation now. They had known each other for such a relatively short amount of time, and despite their new physical closeness she didn’t know if it would mean much to Poe that she was there for him. Not in the face of so many unknowns.

She wanted to ask him, but they were interrupted when both R2-D2 and BB-8 approached the table with overlapping beeps that their destination was approaching. Poe immediately returned to the cockpit, and Rey followed without a word. When the _Falcon_ dropped out of hyperspace they held their breath and scanned the vicinity for any ships.

There was nothing.

She saw Poe’s jaw was clenched but he was keeping his emotions in check as he broadcast an encoded Resistance call anyway. It would have been a miracle if they found them on their first attempt, Rey knew it as well as he did. But she couldn’t help but feel the same despair that was evident on Poe’s face.

When there was no response to their hails, Rey checked the fuel reserves – there was still enough to check a few more locations. BB-8 had uploaded the other coordinates into the _Falcon_ ’s navicomputer and she expected their stop to be brief. But Poe had other plans.

“Maz,” he said. “We need to contact Maz Kanata. She may have heard something.”

Poe was on his feet again, returning to the main hold where a portable holo system had been installed by the Resistance crew. BB-8 provided assistance and soon they were waiting in front of the transmitter as the connection was established.

When her holo-image appeared Maz looked her usual self, magnifying goggles strapped to her wizened, orange face. But her attention was clearly elsewhere, and before she could even bark out a greeting she was ducking what looked like blaster fire and returning it to some unseen foe.

“Maz, are you okay?” asked Poe with a concerned frown, inadvertently flinching as she moved out of the way of a particularly close shot.

“Is that you, Poe Dameron?” Maz shouted.

“It is. What’s happening there?”

“Union dispute. You do not want to hear about it.” Maz spared a glance in their direction. “Rey! I am glad to see you alive, child.”

“Hello, Maz,” said Rey. She wondered what kind of impression she’d left after her rejection of the lightsaber that Maz had offered her. But apparently it hadn’t been all bad.

“I heard about your trip to find a certain Jedi Master. It was successful, I trust?”

“That’s why we’re contacting you,” Poe interjected. “We’ve just come from seeing him and we need to find Leia and the Resistance.”

“Find them?” Maz bobbed out of frame of her holo transmitter as more blaster shots rang out, before reappearing. “Are they lost?”

“I hope not,” he replied darkly. “There was an attack on our base at D’Qar. Have you heard anything?”

“Nothing like that. Sorry, kiddo. I’m a little tied down right now.”

“They may have been evacuating when it happened. We need to know where they are.”

Maz paused long enough in her fight to give them both a sympathetic nod. “Leave it with me and I’ll find out what I can.”

“Thank you, Maz,” Rey said when Poe just let out a irritated breath in response.   

“Contact me again soon. But not too soon. I have to fly.” Maz abruptly cut the transmission as she literally flew off with what looked like a jetpack.

Poe swore and kicked at an empty crate so it clattered noisily across the hold. Rey gave him a look.

He held up his hands defensively. “I didn’t punch the ship.”

“We just need to give her some time. Maybe she’ll be able to find out something while we try the other rendezvous points.”

Poe’s unbandaged hand gripped his hair in an effort to stem his frustration.

“Where to next?” she asked in an attempt to distract him. “Beebee-Ate, have you and Artoo done any more trajectory calculations?”

The droids were soon arguing about hyperspace exit vectors, allowing Poe time to compose himself before returning to the cockpit to select their next possible location. She hoped for his sake they got it right, because until then he was a pilot without a starfighter, a commander without a squadron, and loyal member of the Resistance without a general or an army.

Rey knew what it was like to be truly alone but it was evident Poe didn’t, and she didn’t know how to help him.

 

———

 

Rey slept fitfully. After their fourth rendezvous point check she’d left a stubborn Poe in the cockpit and retreated to their bunk. They’d stopped briefly at a remote outpost to refuel and restock the _Falcon_ with supplies, both of them feeling vulnerable in the infamous ship. They had made a few quick, random jumps after that, spurred on by paranoia that their presence had been noted and reported to the First Order.

Poe wasn’t taking any chances, but he would also not be deterred from his search. He wouldn’t rest, wouldn’t eat anything more than the protein bar she’d badgered him into taking. In the end she’d left him on his own and tried to sleep during the six-hour journey to the next location.

But once again Rey’s overactive mind thwarted any slumber. She dozed lightly but was woken frequently by disturbing fragments of dreams that she couldn’t remember once her eyes opened. It was warm in the bunk, uncomfortably so. Rey kicked off her blanket to expose her bare legs to the cooler air of the crew hold. She’d remained in the shirt she’d appropriated from Poe and her underwear, having discarded her tunic and other trappings as she tried to get comfortable. It wasn’t working.

Abandoning the idea of sleep, Rey padded barefoot into the main hold of the ship and found him with his head in his hands at the lounge table. The ship was quiet otherwise, only the low hum of the hyperspace engines and the circulating air were audible. Both droids were charging against nearby wall sockets.

Poe looked up when she entered, wiping at his reddened eyes, then focused on the datapad in front of him.

“Just working out the order of the remaining jumps,” he said with a sniff. “And we should try contacting Maz when we stop next. She might have something for us by then.”

“Maybe.” Rey crossed the space to stand beside him and smoothed his messy curls by running her fingers through them.

He leaned into her hand and sighed. Rey lowered her lips to his hairline and kept them there for a long moment.

“I was thinking about my team,” he said after she’d straightened up but remained by his side. “Right before we left Leia ordered Black Squadron to escort an arms shipment back to base. They would’ve gone not long after us. Maybe they weren’t even there...when it happened. If they got held up on the mission...”

“They could be looking for Leia and the others, too,” Rey finished for him when he trailed off. “I hope they are, sweetheart.”

She knew it was his word but Poe didn’t object. He turned and draped his arms around her waist, looking up at her with a look of pure sadness. Rey cradled his face with gentle hands, studying his features and wishing she could take the pain away. But she didn’t have the words. She had no experience caring about someone so much that their sorrow compounded her own. On pure instinct she proceeded to slowly kiss his forehead, followed by an eyebrow, the other eyelid, the top of one cheek, the broad tip of his nose. She took her time before capturing his lips with her own.

“Come to bed,” she murmured.

“I’m not tired.”

Rey knew it was a lie. Exhaustion was evident on his drawn face. “Come to bed anyway,” she breathed before kissing him again, more insistently this time.

Poe hesitated only briefly before deepening the kiss. He pulled her onto his lap and a hand slipped under the tail of her shirt ( _his_ shirt) to roam over her back. The pad of his thumb traced over the bumps of her spine as his lips went to her neck, and Rey was flooded with such need that took her by surprise.

“Bed,” she reminded him and tugged at his collar.

 

———

 

Despite protests of not being tired she had to wake Poe several hours later, just before they were due to drop out of lightspeed again. He’d fallen asleep by the time Rey returned from the head after their somewhat urgent coupling, and had been snoring ever since.

She sat beside him on the bunk, a little gingerly as her body still adjusted to his, already fully dressed. She gave his shoulder a shake. “Poe, we’re nearly there.”

Rey had almost opted to let him sleep, knowing that it was unlikely that this next location would yield results. But something told her he wouldn’t be satisfied unless he saw it for himself, and could plug in the next jump in their quest to find the Resistance.

“I’m awake,” he mumbled, his eyes still closed. After another shake he finally pulled himself up with a groan. He blinked blurrily at her before his expression changed. “Are you okay?”

She nodded and smiled shyly. Poe’s concern for her before, during, and after sex was constant, no matter how much she reassured him that she was fine. While it was all new to her it was something Rey most definitely wanted and enjoyed. She was glad that he seemed to believe her when he leaned forward and kissed her tenderly.

“Time to get up,” she murmured into his warm mouth.

“Stop kissing me and I will.”

Rey swatted at his chest and stood up so he could get out of the bunk.

“Pants, Commander,” she called after him with a grin when he wandered naked from the room. He turned and caught the clothes she tossed at him.

Poe was in his co-pilot seat within minutes, more alert after a trip to the refresher but grateful for the mug of caf she had waiting for him. He swallowed it quickly, ignoring the temperature, so he could concentrate on the viewport as the _Falcon_ flew into normal space. Once again they were surrounded by nothing but distant stars. A quick scan of the area showed no sign of any vessels.

They didn’t comment on this latest disappointment.

“Maz?” she prompted, knowing how impatient Poe was to contact her for an update.

“Maz,” he confirmed. He took a long last look out of the cockpit viewport and then waited for her to return to the main hold before him.

The outcome of her earlier blaster fight must have been positive – Maz was quick to respond to their holo as if waiting for them.

“My friends,” she croaked. “I am relieved to see you again.”

Rey tensed up in response to the edge in her voice. “What is it, Maz?”

“Not all good news, I’m afraid. There is plenty of talk about the wretched First Order’s actions on D’Qar. They have been boasting about the destruction of the Resistance. But I did some digging and I believe that some ships did escape the battle. The First Order are on high alert to find them.”

“How many ships? Do you know where they are?” Poe demanded.

“That I do not know, dear boy. I will keep trying, but I must warn you – the word is out about you two. Bounties have been broadcast galaxy-wide, and generous ones at that… Poe, dead or alive, and you, Rey, must be delivered alive. They say the decree is from Snoke himself. Every bounty hunter will be seeking you out as well as those First Order beasts. You must be careful.”

Poe and Rey shared a look, but neither of them responded to the news.

“Other Resistance allies have been targeted too,” Maz went on. “You may find it hard to find friends these days. I wish I could offer you shelter myself, but I will be evacuating my crew. Stormtroopers have already returned to Takodana to search for you.”  

“I’m sorry, Maz,” Poe said sincerely. “We don’t want to put you in danger. But can we contact you again?”

“Encrypted messages only, I should think. Lay low for now. And look after each other.”

Maz’s image disappeared, leaving Rey and Poe in another stunned silence.

“Well, I guess we’re famous,” he said eventually, a poor attempt at levity.

“Galaxy-wide, apparently.” Rey looked at him, wondering if he would comment on the fact her life was an integral part of the deal where his was not, and hoping he wouldn’t bring it up. She never wanted to think about it again.

Poe went back to the cockpit to program their next hyperspace journey. Rey took a seat on the lounge where BB-8 joined her. She tried her best to pay attention as the droid beeped a series of questions about their current circumstances.

“We’re going to be fine, Beebee-Ate,” she said, even if she didn’t quite believe it.

When they were underway once more Rey and Poe shared a somber meal of limited rations, more like the rehydrated food she had been used to on Jakku. She had difficulty swallowing, the starchy bread as well as emotion making her throat dry. She couldn’t shake the shadowy thoughts that had begun to cloud her mind.

They were being hunted. Kylo Ren had already told her that the First Order’s Supreme Leader knew all about her, and Maz confirmed it was Snoke who wanted her found. A fresh curl of fear tightened in her gut when she thought about what might happen if he ever got a hold of her. If Ren was right and her path to the dark side was inevitable...

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Poe asked as she toyed with her food and ate very little.

Rey felt like she may never be hungry again. “Just thinking.”

“Don’t worry about the bounty hunters. We’ll make sure they don’t find us.”

She had no idea how Poe was managing to sound confident but suspected it was an act for her benefit. She was grateful, even if they weren’t facing up to reality right at that moment. It was far easier to pretend for now.

“Maybe we should just find a quiet corner of the galaxy and forget about all of this,” she said lightly, playing her part.

Poe gave a quiet snort. “Sure. Some backwater planet in the Unknown Regions where no one will bother looking.”

“I hear the Unknown Regions are lovely this time of year.”

A smile tugged at his lips. “I suppose we could change our names. Get real jobs.”

Rey shrugged. “I’m pretty good at fixing things. I could be a mechanic.”

“Until I joined the navy I spent every harvest season working on my Dad’s farm. We could get some land somewhere.”

“I like the sound of that,” she replied quietly. His use of ‘we’ so effortlessly caused her heart to hurt from longing. She didn’t know it could do that, and once again found herself pondering how he had this effect on her.

It made her want to believe it was possible. Rey indulged the fantasy they were weaving for a moment, imagining a very different outcome where they turned their backs on the fight against the First Order. Their lives would be mundane but, she suspected, not unhappy. Plenty of people did it, plenty of people were ordinary. They worked at their jobs, raised their families, and did the best they could. It didn’t sound half bad, particularly when she pictured Poe working in the sunshine, a curly-haired child at his knee.

Rey didn’t know where that image had come from but she held onto it, even though she knew it would never be that way. Not while Snoke, Kylo Ren and the First Order were in power. No one was safe, especially them. Especially her. Ren wouldn’t allow it. And Poe would never give up on his friends in the Resistance.

But it was a nice idea for a brief moment.

Poe held out his hand to her across the table and she took it, swallowing the lump in her throat.

“We do need to make a plan,” he said gravely. “There are only so many more places we can try before…” Poe didn’t need to finish the thought. Rey nodded and tightened her hand around his.

“I thought about going to Yavin 4 but I can’t put my Dad in danger like that. I sent him a coded message just before we went to lightspeed, letting him know I’m okay in case he’s already heard about the bounty. I asked him to go into hiding because it won’t take long before they come looking for me, if they haven’t already.”

“I guess that means Jakku is out too,” Rey acknowledged. “The First Order knows it’s where I’m from.”

“Yeah.” Poe leaned in closer to her, his thumb grazing her skin. “There’s one place we can go that’s safe.”

When she realized what he was suggesting, Rey withdrew her hand. She shook her head as her brow furrowed.

“No one else knows where it is,” he said.

“We don’t know that for sure. What if the First Order got hold of a copy of the map?”

“There’s no copy. Why do you think both Beebee-Ate and Artoo came with us?”

“We can’t go back to Ahch-To,” Rey muttered bleakly. She couldn’t face Luke Skywalker, not after their fight where she’d threatened him with his own lightsaber. Not back to the island where she had connected repeatedly with Kylo Ren, something that hadn’t recurred since they’d left. Rey didn’t want to face either of them.

“What choice do we have?” Poe argued. “We’re going to need help.”

“He won’t help us. He made that perfectly clear.”

“He doesn’t know what’s happened. If Leia… if Leia is really gone, if they’re all dead, then we have no one else to turn to.”

Rey bowed her head, shaking it once more to deny the uncomfortable truth.

“You don’t have to see him,” Poe said, his voice kind. “You can stay on the ship the whole time if you want. But I need to try.”

When she refused to reply again his gentle manner disappeared and he made the mistake of trying to pull rank instead.

“Leia made me a commander too, so technically you can’t do that,” she pointed out. To spare him further upset she refrained from adding that if there was no Resistance then neither of them had any rank anymore.

“ _Technically_ I’m not gonna let anything happen to you,” Poe replied insistently. “My mission was to keep you safe until we’re back with the Resistance and that’s what I’m gonna do. Please, Rey. Don’t fight me on this.”

She tried a few calming breaths to quell her growing anxiety.

“Fine,” she said finally, her worried gaze meeting his. “But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was so happy the first story in this AU struck a chord with some Damerey readers. Thanks so much for continuing the journey with me. :-)


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey faces up to the two men she wants to avoid, then the one she doesn’t.

They arrived back at Ahch-To mere days after leaving it, but Rey still felt nervous when they broke atmo and the rocky peak came into view, just as she had upon seeing it for the first time. Poe was at the controls now after she’d declined the task, and he piloted the ship to its previous berth at the base of the island. She’d said little to him since they’d refueled the _Falcon_ again and Poe added more supplies to the cargo hold that looked like they would last for months. Rey hated the thought that their stay would last anywhere near that long.

She had abandoned the notion that Luke Skywalker was going to save them, or help her in the way she’d hoped. He had no interest in teaching her, and Rey still desperately wanted to know everything she could about the Force, what her place in all of it was, and what she was meant to become.

“Are you still sulking?” Poe asked gently when the ship powered down, but the question still infuriated her.

“I’m not sulking,” she replied, her tone completely sullen.

“Okay. Sulky.”

Rey crossed her arms over her chest and glared at the view, studiously avoiding looking at him.

“I’m going to find Skywalker,” he said. “Stay here with the droids if you don’t want to come.”

“I already told you I wouldn’t.”

“I’ll try not to take too long.” He bent to kiss her cheek but she turned her face away. Poe sighed and left the cockpit.

Rey stewed in her seat for a few minutes, listening as he gave instructions to the droids. When she heard the hiss of the ramp being activated Rey suddenly felt a painful tightening in her chest and scrambled out of her seat.

“Poe!” she shouted from the top of the ramp.

He stopped halfway down and turned with a questioning look on his face. Rey covered the distance between them quickly and threw herself into his arms, causing him to stagger back a couple of steps. She held him tightly, knowing it was an overreaction, but they hadn’t been apart for days and the thought of being left alone filled her with sudden dread.

Poe laughed in surprise, causing a low rumble in his throat that was pressed against her shoulder.

“I’ll be back s—” he said, and was cut off when her mouth was firmly pressed to his, kissing him soundly.

She let him go as quickly as she’d pounced on him, adding a small shove to send him on his way. Poe smiled to himself as he resumed his journey down the ramp and into the bleak sunshine of Ahch-To.

Rey cursed her own cowardice at not wanting to face Master Skywalker. As much as she felt that he had failed her, and Leia, and the whole of the Resistance, she knew her actions meant she had failed him, too. Which was exactly what she swore to him she wouldn’t do, before she learned the full story of his fateful interaction with Ben Solo. She had been impatient to learn, and hadn’t heeded his warnings of the dark side. When he found out about her strange Force bond with Kylo Ren and told her to leave, she’d done exactly that.

Rey wandered through the ship, repeatedly returning to the top of the ramp but going no further than the bulkhead door. Each time she willed herself to leave the ship, even just to get some fresh air while she waited for Poe to return. But something always stopped her. She tried distracting herself by checking the ship’s systems with R2-D2, in particular the hyperspace drive which had been going almost non-stop, but she couldn’t focus. In the end she gave up and left the droid to run a full diagnostic to ensure that they could leave quickly if needed.

She caught herself waiting for the familiar warping of sound that heralded her connection with Kylo Ren. Rey was back on the island, even if technically she hadn’t set foot on the sacred Jedi ground. She assumed their Force bond was influenced by being on Ahch-To, and figured his reappearance was inevitable. She had plenty to say to him...plenty to accuse him of after their discovery at D’Qar...if he bothered to show up. More than that, she had questions that she wanted answered.

Rey twitched with impatience, and decided she had to know. In all their previous interactions Ren’s appearances had been unexpected and unwelcome. Now she contemplated how to initiate the connection. She had no idea if it would work with her limited training. But once the idea came to her Rey found she couldn’t let it go.

Ensuring both droids were occupied, she slipped into one of the _Falcon_ ’s cargo holds and sat cross-legged on the floor. She centered herself, regulating her breathing as she blocked all distractions, and reached out with the Force. She didn’t seek out the island’s inhabitants, stretching further with her feelings and focusing only on Kylo Ren. After several attempts that yielded nothing, Rey suppressed her frustration, refocused, and kept trying.

After that it wasn’t like anything she’d experienced before, even when she’d first felt the pull of the dark cave beneath the island. She felt sick to her stomach, as if she were being squeezed from the inside as her mind tried to penetrate the murky depths of some intangible presence. Rey could feel the beads of sweat collecting on her upper lip as her breathing became more labored. She pushed through as hard as she could, voicelessly calling for him and hearing nothing but an echo reverberating endlessly around her.

Then everything stopped and there was only eerie silence. Rey opened her eyes, sure she had failed, but saw Kylo Ren standing before her. She exhaled shakily, nausea forgotten and replaced by instant rage.

“What did you do to them?” she demanded, as soon as his eyes met hers.

Ren blinked in surprise and made a motion with his hand as if dismissing whoever was with him. Rey ground her teeth together as she waited for him to address her.

“I was wondering where you’ve been,” Ren commented casually after he dropped into a similarly seated position so they were face to face. “Let me guess, you returned to the rebel base at D’Qar. But you’re not there now.”

His eyes narrowed as he stared at her, and she hoped he was still unable to see her surroundings.

“What did you do?” she tried again, no less angry.

“We decimated your puny Resistance, of course.”

She glared at him, infuriated by his offhand manner. “And Leia? Your _mother_?”

Ren’s gaze faltered briefly before he covered any visible emotion. “She was there.”

“Did you kill her?”

“No.”

To her surprise, Rey found she believed him. For all his innumerable faults, he didn’t lie to her as far as she could tell.

“So she’s alive?” she asked, holding her breath in anticipation.

“Yes.”

“Where?”

“I don’t know. They escaped, some of them.” Ren’s lips pursed over clenched teeth as he worked through whatever memory looked to be haunting him. “She was with them. Then there was an explosion...”

“What kind of explosion?”

He ignored the question, his eyes still distant. “I thought perhaps she had been killed, but I still feel her presence. She’s alive.”

Relief washed through Rey. If there were survivors then maybe Finn...maybe Chewie...maybe all was not lost. She didn’t notice Ren’s features harden as he looked at her again.

“But we will find them, and when we do, the Resistance will be wiped out, for good this time.”

“Why are you doing this?” she practically pleaded, her brow furrowing. “How could you?”

“I won’t have this conversation again,” he retorted. “I’m done. I will find you and bring you to the Supreme Leader, and you _will_ yield.”

Rey shook her head at him. “That will never happen, Ben.”

“I told you before, that name has no meaning.”

“I know you will turn. I’ve seen it,” she insisted. “I’ve seen what you will become.”

“I know _exactly_ what I will become. So does the Supreme Leader, at least he thinks he does.” His fiery glare didn’t leave her and his words became graver. “He doesn’t know everything I’m capable of. Not with you by my side. We could rule this galaxy together, and no one would be able to stop us. We would be stronger than Skywalker. More powerful than Snoke. That is what _I’ve_ seen.”

Rey felt a wave of pity for him for the first time, realizing he was full of need. She didn’t know if the longing was for understanding or acceptance or even love, but she would provide none of it while he refused to turn from the dark side. Rey shook her head again.

“No,” she said simply.

“If you won’t join me, I will _destroy_ you!”

He suddenly surged forward with a menacing growl and she flinched, even though she knew instinctively he could not harm her via the bond. She clamped her eyes shut as she reminded herself of this fact, and when she opened them again he was gone.

It took her a few minutes to temper her breathing as she sat alone in the cargo hold. Rey tried not to dwell on Kylo Ren’s insistence that she would be the one to turn to the dark side, not him to the light. Instead she focused on the fact that he believed his mother to be alive. Leia was with the Resistance survivors and they needed to keep trying to find them. She had to tell Poe.

She was crossing through the main hold to go in search of him just as he entered from the corridor. Rey broke into a grin.

“I told you I’d be back,” he said with something of a rueful smile, but she ignored the comment and hugged him.

“She’s alive!” Rey sighed with relief into his neck. “Leia’s alive.”

Poe pulled away but kept a hold of her arms. “How do you know that?”

Uncertainty flashed in her mind only briefly when she considered what his reaction would be if she told him the truth. She reasoned that to tell Poe she’d spoken with Ren would only anger him, therefore it was better not to.

“I feel it,” she said instead. “Maybe it’s being here on the island, but I can tell. Leia is with them.”

“She’s right,” came a gruff voice from behind Poe.

Rey stepped back in surprise as she saw Luke Skywalker enter in his same shabby grey cloak. She looked between him and Poe with alarm, not expecting to see the Jedi Master so soon.

“My sister is alive,” Luke confirmed.

“You couldn’t have told me that?” Poe asked him derisively. “I just told you how we’ve been searching all this time…”

Luke shrugged. “You didn’t ask.”

Poe turned back to Rey and muttered under his breath, “Fucking Jedi.” He shifted to stand beside her, one hand at the small of her back.

“You two need to talk,” Poe said out loud this time. “Sort out your differences. Do whatever Jedi shit you’ve gotta do to get past this so we can work out how we’re going to find the Resistance.”

He nudged Rey forward when she didn’t move from her spot. She turned and scowled at him to cover her trepidation but Poe just crossed his arms and pinned her with a look. It was clear it wasn’t up for debate.

“Come with me,” Luke ordered. When she didn’t obey he added begrudgingly, “Please.”

Rey let out a long breath and nodded in agreement. Luke turned to leave the ship and she reluctantly went to follow.

“Hey, don’t forget this,” Poe said, handing her the bag that contained the lightsaber. “Try not to kill him though. We need him.”

She wanted to make a face at him, or come up with a suitably colorful curse, but all Rey felt was anxiety.

“You’ll be fine,” he told her with a reassuring nod.

Rey could only hope he was right.

 

———

 

She followed behind Master Skywalker as he trudged up the stone steps, not initiating any conversation until he did. Rey assumed they were going back to the very top of the island where the Jedi temple was, but he soon veered off onto a different path without bothering to check if she was still there.

They ended up on the rocky outcrop where she had practiced her lightsaber technique, and had inadvertently sliced through the gnarled monolith at its edge. Rey remembered the sense of calm she’d felt as she wielded the weapon, as if it were a part of her. She had been so certain that her purpose was to become a Jedi, to learn the ways of the Force and fulfill some predetermined destiny that had been set out for her long ago. But Master Skywalker had rejected the idea, rejected her, leaving her with only uncertainty.

He stood at the edge of the cliff-face and stared out at the vast ocean before taking a seat on the flat stone left by the cut of the lightsaber. Only then did Luke look back at her and he patted the slab beside him.

“Take a seat,” he said.

Rey did as she was asked and they sat in silence for a while.

“I like this spot,” he declared eventually. “It gives me a different view of things.”

He glanced sideways when it was her turn to say something but she found she couldn’t. Rey didn’t know what she could say to make up for her part in their tempestuous time together, nor if she was ready to forgive him for his.

“Seeing things from a certain point of view…” he went on. “It’s inevitable, unavoidable. But it brings with it certain limitations. Even the Jedi are susceptible.”

“I thought you said there were no more Jedi,” Rey said, trying to minimize any accusatory tone.

“I wanted it to be true. But once again it seems I was blinded by hubris. To think I was the last of the Jedi… It was nothing but arrogance and vanity.”

Rey stared at the ground, wondering what it meant for her. If Master Skywalker wasn’t the last Jedi...

“I don’t mean you either,” he said, bursting any bubble she may have had. “We are insignificant compared to the Force. But we are part of it, you and I. And I should have helped you more. You needed a teacher, and I was afraid.”

“And now?”

“And now, Rey from Nowhere, you need to make a choice. I will teach you the ways of the Force. The best way I know how. I cannot promise you it will be easy, or that I have all the answers. In my life I have failed as much as I have succeeded. But I was reminded recently that failure is the greatest teacher. Perhaps we can learn together.”

Rey swallowed hard against the lump in her throat. It was everything she had wanted, but she was suddenly filled with doubt. “You said I need to make a choice?”

Master Skywalker turned to face her, his gaze intense. “The choice is between becoming whatever you were meant to – a Jedi, or something new and different...a destiny that you determine – or the dark side. Because if you fall, if you choose the path that my nephew did, you will be lost to us forever.”

“I would never choose that,” she whispered, tears sparking in her eyes.

“Ben probably thought the same. But you don’t know the true power of the dark side. You’ve never had to face it in its purest form. If you go to him, like you planned to, you will. And I’m afraid – truly terrified – that it will consume you. Everything you thought you believed in, everyone you thought you cared about...they will mean nothing to you in the abyss.”

Rey broke his stare as she contemplated his words, and what she had to say next. “If my destiny truly is my own, if I am to be something different from what has come before, how do you know I will fail? He is a Skywalker, he has the power to unite the galaxy if he were to turn. What if my true purpose is to save him?”

“At what risk? At what cost if you don’t succeed?” Luke persisted. “Your sacrifice would be meaningless, and you would be abandoning those who need you.”

“Like you did?” she snapped, unable to stop herself.

He nodded gravely. “Yes. _Exactly_ like me. I don’t want you to make the same mistakes I did. It’s not too late for you.”

Rey blinked rapidly. She wouldn’t cry. It was not the time for tears or recriminations.

“Choose the light, or choose the dark,” he said. “You need to decide.”

She inhaled deeply and expelled the air in her lungs. As a stillness settled over her, Rey felt the emotion and worry and doubt begin to seep from her pores. Her mind grew quiet, her pulse slowed. She raised her eyes and held Master Skywalker’s gaze steadily.

“I choose the light,” she stated calmly.

Luke nodded as his mouth puckered and she could see him fighting back sudden tears of his own. He let out a shuddering breath.

“Then tomorrow we will start again. Together.”

Rey remained composed, in a detached but peaceful way. “Thank you, Luke,” she said, dropping the honorific for the first time.

Somehow it felt right, and despite the fact he would be her teacher, Rey knew she would not call him master again. They truly would learn together, creating whatever came next after the Jedi.

 

———

 

Poe was sat waiting on the _Falcon_ ’s ramp and stood where he was when she returned. Rey stopped before him and dropped her bag at her feet, feeling emotionally drained.

“Everything okay with you two?” he asked, after quickly checking her over for any visible harm.

She nodded wanly. “I guess I have you to thank for that. What did you say to him?”

“Honestly? Not a lot.” Poe shrugged. “He isn’t exactly the easiest guy to talk to. I just told him as much as we know about what happened to the Resistance. And that we needed his help more than ever. He was the one who asked to see you.”

“He agreed to teach me, properly this time.”

“Yeah? That’s great!” he exclaimed before his exuberance faded. “You don’t seem happy about it.”

“I am,” Rey said, trying her best to mask any uncertainty she was feeling about the future. As much as she wanted to believe that everything would work out now, there were still many unknowns.

“Who knows, two Jedi together might be all we need to track down Leia and the Resistance.” Poe’s expression remained hopeful.

“Maybe.” Rey turned and sat down on the ramp, her knees drawn towards her chest. A moment later he did the same beside her. They watched the suns begin their descent to the horizon for a while, saying nothing.

“You’ll be a real Jedi Knight,” Poe said finally.

“Maybe,” she repeated softly. “I don’t really know how it works.”

Poe’s lips pressed into a firm line. “Would it be better if I wasn’t here?”

She frowned as she turned her head to look at him. “What do you mean?”

“Maybe I should take the ship and keep searching for the Resistance.”

“On your own? I know you’re an incredible pilot but flying the _Falcon_ by yourself might even be too much for the mighty Poe Dameron,” she said, giving him a light nudge with her shoulder. “What if you ran into trouble? You can’t fly and shoot by yourself in a freighter like this.”

He smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. “I don’t know if I can just switch it off, you know? If I have to stay here and not be with you…”

“Why wouldn’t you be with me?”

“The Jedi rules. I know you said the one about not forming attachments may not apply anymore, but what if that isn’t how it works? There’s a reason they made that rule. What if it makes it more difficult for you?”

Rey’s smile started with a twitch of her lips then spread slowly as she gazed at him.

“I’m serious, I don’t want to be in the way,” said Poe. “You’re too important.”

She lifted his arm and ducked under it so she could nestle against his shoulder, still smiling as he held her close. Her fingers curled around the opening of his shirt and she felt the small lump of his mother’s ring resting against his chest.

“I told you that rule doesn’t matter,” she replied. “Not to me. _You_ matter. Nothing’s going to change that.”

His arm tightened around her. She heard the quickened beat of his heart at the same time as she felt relief wash through him.

“I hope so, sweetheart,” he murmured, and pressed his lips to her hair. “Because you should know...I’m attached.”

Rey felt her face grow warm. She was still getting used to someone caring about her the way he did, and the ease with which he could tell her and show her how he felt. She wasn’t as good as it yet, but she was working on it.

 


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahch-To days and Ahch-To nights.

Rey could barely keep any breakfast down the next morning as she prepared to recommence her training. Poe tried to entice her with their limited supply of fresh fruit but her stomach was in knots and she refused.

“Why are you so nervous?” he asked. “You weren’t the last time he gave you lessons.”

“That was before…” Rey didn’t bother explaining, too much had happened with Luke, and Kylo Ren, and then there was her fear of the dark side.

He didn’t question her further, just handed her her quarterstaff and bag as she prepared to leave the ship.

“Play nice today,” Poe said with a glint in his eye. “No hitting the teacher.”

Rey wanted to smile at the joke but her nerves wouldn’t allow it. He kissed her chastely and sent her on her way, BB-8 and R2-D2 at his side.

Soon she stood at the bottom of the stone steps and gazed up, steeling herself for what was to come. After a few moments she started her ascent, and with each one she imagined she was one step closer to achieving everything she’d hoped for. She remembered her fevered dreams on Jakku, seeing places and feeling sensations she’d never actually experienced. She didn’t know if they were someone else’s memories or glimpses of her own future thanks to the Force. Or maybe they were meaningless imaginings from the mind of a lonely child wishing for more from life.

Rey tried to silence the speculation and doubt. She focused on her breathing as she continued towards the collection of huts that Luke called home. The space was immaculate as it had been before. She noticed that her hut, the one that he’d destroyed in a moment of horror having discovered her connection with Kylo Ren, was rebuilt. Everything else was exactly the same.

The door to Luke’s hut opened abruptly. “You’re late,” he said by way of greeting.

Rey felt immediately defensive but swallowed her reaction. “I didn’t realize you worked to a schedule.”

“First things first, the lightsaber,” he demanded, holding his hand out.

Rey hesitated before withdrawing the weapon from her bag, unsure if it was wise to hand over one of her only forms of defence against the man she’d previously attacked.

Luke took hold of the saber with his non-mechanical hand but kept it outstretched. “This is better worn where you can reach it quickly.”

She accepted it from him a little sheepishly, and attached it to her belt. “I thought maybe you’d want it back,” she said. “It’s yours.”

“It was once. But not always. A lightsaber belongs to who needs it. For now it’s yours.”

“Thank you,” Rey mumbled, feeling chastened. “So, where do we start?”

“Up there.” Luke pointed to the peak of the island.

“The temple?”

“Not quite.”

Their lessons began with Luke putting her through her paces, literally, by making her run up and down the steep incline of the island for over an hour. Each time she passed the rock he had sat himself upon he would shout a few words at her about the Force and its importance to the Jedi. Rey could barely concentrate on anything more than her ragged breathing and the burning pain in her legs. Each ascent was brutal and the descent precarious as she tried not to trip over her own feet.

It was made worse when the sky opened and she was pummelled by a brief but punishing rain storm. Luke shrugged on a suitable cover over his robes, leaving Rey to get drenched. She wanted nothing more than to stop, but each time she was close to giving up and telling Luke what he could do with his Jedi lessons, she gritted her teeth and kept going.

“You’re stubborn,” he commented when he finally let her stop and she collapsed on the ground. “That can be an asset.”

Rey was too busy panting to reply but accepted the water canister he offered her.

“What was the point of that exactly?” she asked as soon as she was able.

“No point. I was curious to see if you’d do it.” Luke barely suppressed a snicker and didn’t stop when Rey glowered at him.

“Sometimes you need to push through the pain. But like most things, it is temporary,” he went on more formally. “Sit up properly. And breathe.”

She shuffled into a cross-legged position, still frowning as her muscles protested the movement. She did as she was told and focused only on taking deep cleansing breaths, her eyes fluttering closed.

“Look within yourself,” Luke murmured. “Deep inside. Every body part, every movement, every cell with a purpose. Feel the connection to the Force.”

Rey directed her attention inward.

“Find the source of the pain – the muscle damage is minute...temporary...repairable.”

She could picture the microscopic tears in her muscle tissue and visualized stitching it together again. The effect on her whole body was calming and Rey felt the impact almost immediately. After a few minutes she opened her eyes with a small gasp. Her legs didn’t hurt anymore. She glanced at Luke.

“See?” he said.

“Yes.”

But Rey wasn’t thinking about herself, she remembered Poe’s injured arm and the tremors he’d been experiencing after his torture by the First Order. She had held him, wanting to take the pain away, and imagined doing just that. They had never discussed it, but Poe’s arm hadn’t hurt after that, and his hand hadn’t shaken since. Rey’s chest expanded with happiness but she remained humble in the knowledge that her abilities with the Force were real, and somehow instinctive.

“Force healing,” Luke explained. “Some in the Jedi Order devoted a lifetime to its study. My skills are rudimentary in comparison, but it can be useful with minor injuries. There was more in the Jedi texts. I should have gotten around to reading them.”

“The Jedi texts from the tree?” Rey asked guiltily.

“They’re gone now, the tree was destroyed. It’s a long story.”

“Maybe not. Before I left – when you told me to leave,” she clarified pointedly, “I thought my only option was to try and teach myself. So I took them.”

Instead of being angry, Rey was relieved to see Luke chuckling. “So you’re a thief as well as a troublemaker.”

“Well, if I hadn’t they would’ve been lost forever.”

“Maybe so. The texts contain ancient teachings, but I have it on good authority that you have all the knowledge you require. You just need practice and discipline. So let’s keep going.”

They spent the remainder of the morning on meditation techniques, and how to block unwanted thoughts and distractions. Luke never mentioned him by name, but Rey knew his purpose was to instruct her on preventing Kylo Ren from communicating with her. She refrained from mentioning that she had been the one to instigate their most recent conversation.

While they shared a meal provided by the Caretakers, Luke told her more of the flawed history of the Jedi, as well as his own. She listened for the most part, asking few questions, and letting him speak.

Next he took her to a clearing nearby, armed with the same metal spike he’d used to defend himself from her previously, and insisted that they spar. This was at least familiar territory to Rey, as she twisted and turned her staff over in her hands to warm up. Luke eyed her coolly, waiting for her to take the first swing. When she did, she immediately found herself flat on her back.

“Try again,” he said, peering down at her.

Rey flushed with embarrassment and jumped up quickly. When she faced off against him, carefully watching for any movement he made, she lunged first again and was rewarded with a stinging blow to her bare calf.

“Ow!”

“Stop trying to fight with this,” Luke commanded, and bopped her on the head with the spike.

With bared teeth she tried to strike again but he barely raised a defence and was able to knock her down again.

“Do I have to say it? Use the Force.”

Rey let out a long breath. She gripped her staff, keeping it still in her hands, and pushed aside any distractions...her self-assuredness in her physical prowess included. This time Luke attacked first and she blocked the blow with the smallest of movements and barely a conscious thought. He cocked his head slightly at her in acknowledgement, then proceeded to advance upon her – strike after strike with speed and accuracy that stunned her momentarily. Rey centered herself and trusted in the Force, allowing her actions to be guided by it as much as her own will.

It was different from anything she had experienced, even when she’d faced down Kylo Ren on Starkiller Base. After a minute it felt as if she was anticipating Luke’s every blow, and could duck and weave out of the way as well as use her own staff to stop any contact. More than that, she could push back and go on the offensive, driving him backwards as they continued to spar. She could feel his increased effort against her but it meant little as she was able to ward it off with ease. That was until a fist-sized rock flew at her face and collided with her nose.

“Fuck!” she cried, dropping her staff and clutching at her now bloody nose. “You cheated!”

“A Jedi doesn’t cheat. A Jedi utilizes the means they have at their disposal.” Luke stepped towards her so he could inspect the damage. “You didn’t anticipate it.”

It was clear her nose wasn’t broken but Rey still indignantly wiped the blood on her arm wrap. “I thought you said using the Force wasn’t about lifting rocks.”

“It can be in the right circumstances.”

Rey sniffed and snatched up her staff. “Again,” she said, readying herself once more.

Luke nodded and they continued to spar. She was able to fend off any sneak rock attacks from then on, though not quite able to return the favor. He began providing some more detailed instruction, reminding her that flashy movements would only drain her energy. He helped her modify her grip, holding the staff in the same spot to emulate a lightsaber, she realized.

By the end of the day Luke’s voice was hoarse, his face drained, and he waved dismissively at her when they returned to his hut.

Rey paused before leaving, her words gentle and sincere. “Thank you for today. For everything.”

Luke held her gaze for a moment, his expression softening from its usual stony stare. He gave her a brief nod. “Tomorrow.”

When she arrived back at the _Falcon_ it was nearly nightfall, and while her mind was clear she was cold and dirty from the day’s activities. Poe was sympathetic to a point, not keen to hold her like she wanted until she’d showered, but he helped peel off her muddy clothes and talked to her while she stood under the hot water.

“Is that blood?” he exclaimed, having collected her discarded garments to put them through the sonic cleaner.

Rey poked her head out of the steamy cubicle. “Just a bit.”

“I don’t want to know, do I?”

“Probably not.” She managed to give him a reassuring smile before disappearing under the water again.

After showering Rey decided she was too tired to eat, choosing instead to crawl into their bunk and pulling Poe in too so she could snuggle against him. She fell asleep to the sound of him telling her his plans to try and securely obtain an update from their allies in hiding. And for once she did not dream.

 

———

 

Rey woke up alone and hungry, with no idea of the time. She stretched tentatively, waiting for her body to hurt after the previous day’s activities, but she was pleased that she felt no ill effects. Even her nose was no longer tender when she touched it.

She emerged from the crew hold in her sleep clothes in search of Poe, only to find him fully dressed and sitting in the lounge area with Luke drinking caf. Rey’s cheeks burned.

“Good morning,” Luke said drolly.

Poe grinned as she stammered an excuse and fled to the bunk to get ready.

“Why didn’t you wake me?” she hissed when Poe entered a couple of minutes later. He tried giving her a mug of caf but she was too busy putting on her arm wraps to take it.

“Believe me, I tried. You wouldn’t budge,” said Poe, and offered her a protein ration with his other hand.

This she took and started chewing furiously. Next she pulled her hair up into a haphazard bun. “How long has Luke been here?”

“Not long.”

“Were you two talking about me?”

Poe smiled indulgently. “No, actually, you didn’t come up.”

Rey didn’t believe him.

“If you must know we were talking about my Mom. He was telling me about the time they were on a mission together when I was just a kid.”

“Oh,” said Rey, feeling slightly ashamed that she’d assumed their conversation would be focused on her. She looked at him carefully and was relieved to see he didn’t seem upset over the memory of his mother. “Are you okay?”

His face softened further. “Sure.”

Poe handed her the caf again, now that her movements weren’t so frantic.

“I wasn’t sure if he’d have a problem… You know, with us. Here together,” Rey said between gulps. “Maybe he doesn’t even know.”

“Oh, I’m pretty sure he does.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because I practically got the ‘what are your intentions’ speech,” Poe said with a shrug. “I guess being protective comes with the whole Jedi Master/Padawan dynamic.”

Rey’s eyes narrowed. “I thought you said you didn’t talk about me.”

“Well, maybe you came up briefly.”

“Shit,” she grumbled.

“He didn’t seem mad, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“Oh well. Not much I can do about it.”

“Unless you abandon me for the celibate life of a Jedi Knight,” Poe teased but she caught the hint of apprehension in his voice.

“Not today,” she replied offhandedly, and gave him back the now empty mug as she passed him on the way out the door.

He caught her by the edge of her tunic and pulled her back into the crew hold. A giggle escaped her lips as he kissed her firmly before letting her go. Rey composed her features before returning to the main hold where Luke was conversing with R2.

“Sorry, I’m ready,” she said, still straightening her clothes.

“Thanks for the caf, kid,” Luke said to Poe who’d walked up behind her. “It’s been a while.”

“Any time,” Poe offered.

Luke gestured for Rey to go first as they made their way to the _Falcon_ ’s ramp. Then as he walked on ahead of her up the stone steps she wondered if he’d raise the subject of Poe. It wasn’t something she particularly wanted to discuss with him, but it couldn’t be avoided forever.

“I don’t need to know the details,” Luke said when they were halfway to the Jedi temple.

“Huh?”

“Your personal relationships are your own. But we should talk about the risks.”

Rey jogged forward a few steps to fall in line with him. Brushing aside her questions over how he knew what she was thinking about, she waited for him to continue. When he stayed silent the rest of the way to the sacred Jedi space, Rey realized she would have to be the one to bring it up again.

Luke motioned to the ground and they both settled on either side of the stone pool within the temple. He gathered his robes around him and stared at the intricate mosaic.

“Did you ever love anyone?” she asked boldly.

Luke sighed and gave her something of a withering look. “There are many forms of love.”

“I mean a romantic partner.”

“My adherence to the rules of the Jedi were too literal for that. The ones against forming attachments were established long ago for good reason.”

“Did you ever want to?”

“What a Jedi wants versus what a Jedi does—” he intoned.

“I mean _you_. Luke Skywalker,” Rey insisted. “Not the Jedi Knight, or the Grand Master.”

“I chose the life that I did. We all make sacrifices.”

“I’m not sure I could. I’m not sure I _want_ to,” she corrected herself. “I’ve lived most of my life without family or friends, and now I have both. At least, I will once we find the Resistance again. This is definitely better.”

“Loving others will undoubtedly bring you joy. But along with it other negative emotions that you will encounter.”

“But the Force is about balance, isn’t it? What’s wrong with taking the good with the bad?”

“Nothing is wrong with it,” he said, a touch impatiently. “Though when the bad are emotions like jealousy, despair, or profound loss, these can lead to the dark side if you aren’t careful.”

Rey thought on this, her gaze returning to the mosaic.

“I’m not just speaking of physical or romantic attachments, there is also blood,” Luke continued. “More than family, I mean shared flesh, like that of mother and child. Think of the strength it would take to survive that kind of loss and know that in reality, it would be much worse. Neither you nor I can fully appreciate it, but I have seen it in my sister’s eyes.”

Rey knew any discussion of children with Poe was vastly premature, but the image she’d seen of a curly haired child meant it could be something they’d need to contend with one day. She never wanted to imagine a future dealing with similar circumstances to Leia...her husband murdered by their only son. The dark side had taken everything from her.

“Ben may not be lost forever,” she tried, always hoping for a different outcome for both their sakes, and perhaps even her own. “Once we find Leia—”

Luke held up a hand to stop her. “Enough. Rid yourself of these thoughts and concentrate on the Force. You made a choice, remember.”

She sighed, disappointed that he would still not listen to her on the subject of Ben. At Luke’s insistence they meditated together for a while until he gasped and she snapped back to attention.

“What is it?”

He frowned as he stood up a little awkwardly from the stony ground. “Nothing. Go back to your meditation,” he said as he wandered towards the opening in the side of the temple cavern. Luke was steadying himself on the rock wall, keeping his face turned from her.

Rey reached out with the Force again, trying to detect any disturbance but all she sensed were the island’s organic inhabitants. She could feel Poe’s presence, warm and calming. When she focused her attention on Luke, something that had previously been impossible while he had closed himself off to the Force, she only sensed churning emotion and confusion before she was pushed out.

“That’s all for now,” he said abruptly.

She got to her feet. “But we’ve barely begun!”

“Later,” he replied.

Rey bit back any further argument and waited, unsure what she was supposed to do. When he walked out to the rock upon the temple’s platform and sat down heavily, she knew she was intruding.

Reluctantly she made her way down the side of the island, passing by the huts where a number of the Lanai Caretakers were busy at work. They greeted her with more enthusiasm and acceptance than she’d experienced from them before. One took her hand, gabbling in a kindly way as she was led into her former hut. Inside they handed her a set of brown and beige garments that Rey recognized as Jedi robes.

“I’m just in training,” she explained, but either they didn’t understand Galactic Basic or they didn’t care.

Rey noticed that the hut was now adorned with more comfortable bedding and other trinkets and artifacts to make it seem more homely. Another Caretaker sat her down on the stone bench and, as Rey held onto the robes, proceeded to work her hair into a neat, intricate braid. She smiled wanly as they fussed over her, unsure how to break it to them that, Jedi or not, she had no intention of sleeping in the hut when Poe and the _Falcon_ were nearby. But that seemed like a conversation for another time.

She was able to escape sometime later, her arms filled with the clothing and pots of fresh food that they’d insisted she take with her. Whatever it was smelled delicious and Rey realized how hungry she was. She made her way quickly back to the ship, ready to surprise Poe.

He looked up from the comms unit he was working on with BB-8 when she appeared in the main hold. “What are you doing back so soon?”

“I was let out early.”

“For good behavior?” he asked playfully.

“What?”

“Never mind. What have you got there?”

Rey dumped the food and robes on the table, more interested in the former than having to wear the traditional Jedi garb. She liked her own clothes, even if they were more suited to a hotter climate than Ahch-To.

Without Luke she knew the proper thing to do would be to practice meditation or even try and study the ancient texts that she had stored on the _Falcon_ , but it wasn’t raining for once, and she was hungry, and Poe was looking at her expectantly.

“Let’s go outside,” she said, gathering up the food.

He didn’t question her and left BB-8 to continue his work with help from R2-D2. Poe collected some extra supplies from the galley and they made their way up the path from the ship. She led them back to the hot spring they’d discovered previously, and they sat on thick heather to eat the fishy concoction supplied by the Caretakers. Rey laughed as Poe talked about his childhood on Yavin 4 and his many misadventures.

Whether it was the delicious food or the company, or the fact her training had been going fairly well, she was in high spirits and allowed Poe to convince her to try the hot spring where previously she’d demurred.

“But I’m not getting naked,” she confirmed. “What if Luke came along?”

“You don’t need to. Come on,” he said, stripping down to his shorts.

She kept her underclothes on and held his hand as he led her into the uncomfortably hot water at the edge of the spring. Once they headed towards the middle, closer to the small waterfall, the temperature was actually pleasant and Rey could enjoy the feeling of being fully immersed while still keeping her footing. She’d only been in deep water once when she’d been pulled into the cave below the island, and knew she’d rather not relive that.

Poe taught her how to float on her back, his hand underneath to support her until she didn’t need it. Rey enjoyed the sensation for a while, as well as the muted sound while her ears were submerged in the warm water. She stared up at the pale blue sky that peeked through the cloud cover and sighed contentedly.

“Told you,” he said with a grin when she eventually straightened up.

“Okay, I like this,” she conceded, then wrapped her arms around his shoulders and her legs around his waist. “This too.”

“What if Luke came along?” said Poe, pretending to be scandalized.

“Eh, he already knows. Plus we talked about it.”

“How did that go?”

“Fine,” she said simply and leaned in to kiss him. She didn’t clarify further and he didn’t ask as he tightened his arms around her.

His mouth was on her neck and she was gripping his hair, her eyes closed, when she heard the animated squawks at the water’s edge. Rey looked over to find two of the Caretakers shaking their fists as they continued their berating rant. She buried her face in Poe’s shoulder as she tried not to laugh, while he held up a placating hand to the Lanais and offered them a vague apology.

The Caretakers weren’t leaving and waited impatiently for them to get out of the hot spring. One offered Rey a length of material to dry herself with, which she did dutifully before sharing it with Poe who seemed to be the focus of their ire and disapproval. She chortled to herself, relieved that for once she wasn’t the one in the firing line, as they got dressed. The Caretakers continued to fuss over her which seemed to amuse Poe as much as their glares at him did.

“I think I’m being summoned back to training,” she said, when they started pulling her away. “But I’ll see you later.”

Poe just shook his head good-naturedly and waved her goodbye before he gathered up the remnants from their meal and headed back to the ship alone.

 

———

 

Whatever had been bothering Luke that morning had passed and he and Rey spent the remainder of the day discussing the ways of the Force. She learned about Jedi mind tricks – something she’d already employed when she was held captive on Starkiller Base – and found out how and on whom they could be successfully used. She wanted to know more about Kylo Ren’s attempts to probe her mind, how she’d been able to block him when Poe had not, but that would have meant bringing up his nephew again which she decided could wait.

As daylight waned they sat and meditated again until he released her.

“I’ll see you in the morning,” Luke said, even more subdued than usual.

“Bright and early,” she promised, determined not to sleep late again so he had to come looking for her. “Goodnight, Luke.”

As she left for the _Falcon_ and he remained alone sitting outside his hut, Rey wondered if the polite thing to do would be to invite him for dinner. Or even to stay on the ship. She knew he was used to solitude and probably craved it after spending so many hours with her each day, but Rey couldn’t help but feel concerned. The idea of being alone now caused her to feel slightly anxious. She had known nothing else until recently but since meeting Poe she knew which she preferred.

Rey made her way up the ramp that he’d left open for her, despite his hatred of the porgs that continued to try and nest within the ship, and as she closed it behind her Rey felt strongly that she could never go back to a lonely life. She was forever changed.

“Welcome home,” Poe said as he emerged from one of the cargo holds. “I hope you didn’t get into too much trouble.”

Rey stopped in the middle of the main area and stared at him. It did feel like home. It had a for a while now but she hadn’t been conscious of it.

“Is everything okay?” he asked with a worried frown when she didn’t say anything.

“Everything’s okay,” she said quietly.

While that wasn’t necessarily true, with the location of the Resistance and Finn’s status still unknown, let alone the dangers posed by Kylo Ren and the First Order, but Rey felt more whole than she had in her entire life. Part of it was her training and her growing understanding of the Force, but so much of it was because of Poe. It hit her just how much when he offered her a small smile.

Rey dropped her bag and staff and moved to embrace him tightly.

“Are you—” he began, but she cut him off by kissing him.

Poe was holding her securely as she hitched herself into his arms, her legs wrapping around him like they had in the water. He didn’t object, letting out a different sound as she kept her mouth on his and ground her hips against him.

“What do you want?” he murmured once his lips transferred to her throat and he sucked at the delicate skin above her collarbone.

Rey grasped the sides of his face, forcing him to look at her. “You,” she said, “I want you.”

“You’ve got me,” Poe replied, desire evident in his eyes.

She kissed him again, unsure if he fully knew what she was saying, or what it might mean for their future. For now she was happy for him to carry her into the crew hold where she could at least show him.

 

———

 

Later they lay facing each other on their bunk, sated and weary, talking in low murmurs. Poe was still worried about his father, and hadn’t been able to get a message to him since they arrived on the island. But he would keep trying.

He traced his fingertips absently over the tan line on her shoulder in between where her tunic and arm wrap normally sat. “You never told me what happened when you and Luke talked about us,” he said.

“He didn’t say much, really. I don’t think he’s worried so much about us, but was trying to warn me about having children.”

Poe’s eyes widened slightly.

“Not now, obviously,” she replied in response to his flash of what felt like panic. “Given his own family’s history I can see why he’d bring it up.”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Is that something you want? Children?” Rey asked.

“Sure, I guess. I mean, I suppose I always assumed I would, if I lasted long enough. It’s not really an issue now though.”

“What do you mean?”

He took her hand and guided her fingers to the front of his hip where she felt a small bump under the skin.

“Standard issue contraception implant. I’m not getting anyone pregnant while that thing’s there.”

“Lucky. I don’t have one of those.” Rey said before falling silent as she thought about it a while longer. “What happens when you want to? Get someone pregnant, I mean.”

“I get it taken out.” Poe rubbed at his eyes and yawned.

Rey took the hint and nuzzled her face into the crook of his neck. He fell asleep before she did, her thoughts full of Luke’s warning and her own doubts. The lasting image in her mind, however, was of a child whose face she had not seen but somehow she knew exactly who he was and to whom he belonged.

 

———

 

They woke to the blaring sound of an alarm, and the lighting in the crew hold turned red. Poe was on his feet and into his pants before Rey, conditioned by his military training. They both scrambled to put on minimal clothing while running for the cockpit. He yelled for BB-8 who zipped at their heels.

“What is it?” she gasped as Poe scanned the Falcon’s sensor array.

“Orbital scan – I set it up so we’d have some warning of approaching ships.” As he spoke he started powering up the _Falcon_ ’s engines. The sky outside was gray, not long after dawn.

Rey jumped into the pilot’s chair. “What about Luke?”

“Let’s see what we’re up against first.” Poe activated further scans. “If we don’t need to—”

She glanced at him when he stopped mid-sentence. He was frowning at the onscreen readout.

“No way. No fucking way…”

“What?”

He looked at her in shock. “It’s a Resistance signature. It’s the _Raddus_.”

“Are you sure?”

Poe broke into a grin. “They found us!”

 


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reunited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this AU there is no hyperspace tracking by the First Order.

Poe was glaring at her – full of anger, distrust and betrayal. Worse, there was fear in his eyes. Rey was tired, she was practically numb from it. More than once she wanted to walk away from all of it...all of them. Or she wanted to go back to a time when it was just the two of them together on the _Millennium Falcon_ , curled up in their bunk. From the look on his face she wondered if Poe would ever touch her again.

“You know why I have to do this,” she said evenly. There would be no more arguing.

“No, I fucking don’t,” he spat.

Rey sighed, not really expecting anything else. She would never make him understand, but that couldn’t deter her. Not now. She stepped forward and kissed his cheek after he stood immovable and stony-faced with his arms crossed over his chest. His jaw clenched and she pulled away. His gaze remained fixed on the wall behind her.

“I have to go,” she whispered and walked away before it became any harder than it already was.

She walked down a corridor of the _Raddus_ , sure in her purpose even as she swallowed her desolation. One foot in front of the other to fulfill one promise while breaking another. Each step heading towards the unknown to achieve the one thing she knew for sure.

It had all been a whirlwind, right from the very beginning on Jakku. And here she was, not even a standard month later, about to undertake a mission that would affect her life and those she cared about, and countless others she would never know.

Not for the first time Rey wondered how she got here.

 

———

 

The Resistance had arrived at Ahch-To.

Poe could barely contain himself as they finished getting fully dressed while the droids monitored the orbital progress of the _Raddus._ Rey’s movements were slower but no less relieved at their arrival. He rocked on his heels as he watched while she finished with her arm wraps, with a smile that hadn’t yet left his lips. When he reached out to tuck some loose hair back into her braid she put her hand over his and held it for a moment.

“What is it?” he asked when she couldn’t hide the uncertainty on her face.

Rey felt another pang. “It’s going to be different now.”

“Different can be better,” Poe said, his other hand moving to her cheek so he was cradling her face. “We’re back where we were meant to be.”

She gave him a small smile. That was true for Poe but for herself, Rey wasn’t so sure. He kissed her briefly, his thoughts clearly elsewhere, and she nodded in acceptance.

“Okay, let’s go,” she murmured.

They disembarked and made their way to higher ground, waiting for the Star Cruiser to clear the atmosphere. The _Raddus_ was too large to set down on the island, but it moved into a low enough position that they could see it was alone.

“Where’s the rest of the fleet?” Poe muttered more to himself than her.

They did see a few small ships emerge from the cruiser, followed by a larger rectangular transport. The grin on Poe’s face widened when a handful of X-wings came towards them and proceeded to do a flyover of the island. As they doubled back, flying lower and expanding their tell-tale S-foils in a form of greeting, he raised his fist and whooped triumphantly.

“It’s Black Squadron!” he confirmed, pulling Rey into a brief, bone crushing hug. “We gotta get to a clearing.”

By the time they arrived to a large space not far from the hot spring, the transport was landing. It set down with a long hiss and when its wide bay doors opened they saw a vision in white. General Leia Organa stepped forward, leaning heavily on a cane, but with a stoic smile.

“Commanders,” she said in her usual gravelly voice.

Poe ignored any rules of protocol and ran forward to embrace the General, who patted his cheek indulgently. Rey did the same, relief for Leia’s wellbeing flooding through her even as she detected weakness in the older woman that she hadn’t before. The next few minutes passed in a blur. As Leia hugged her there was a rush of brown fur and Chewbacca appeared with a warbling growl of greeting. She was quickly enveloped in his large, hairy arms.

“How’s Finn?” she asked the Wookiee when she could extricate herself from his grip. “Is he any better?”

“We thought that might be your first question,” Leia said and motioned to the transport.

Rey looked over to find Finn standing in the opening, wearing the same tan and red jacket he had when they met. Poe’s jacket, she recalled absently, which had upset BB-8. Rey said nothing, simply propelled herself forward into his arms and held on. Finn exhaled audibly and hugged her.

When Rey pulled away he studied her face intently, and she wondered if he found her changed somehow. When they met she’d known nothing of the Force or her own abilities, and had barely begun to to use them when they were last together.

“Hey buddy, it’s good to see you!” Poe said and moved in to hug him as well. “You look good.”

“Your injuries?” Rey asked quietly.

“Fully healed. I got a cool scar as a reminder though.” He grinned but she could tell his casual tone was something of an act.

“I can’t believe you’re here. We came looking for you.” Poe was addressing Leia once more. “We followed the beacon back to D’Qar…”

“I’m glad you had the sense to return here,” Leia said to Poe but was looking at Rey. “The First Order is looking for you.”

“Just following orders,” he admitted, refraining from going into any detail. “But why was the beacon still there? What happened?”

“A longer conversation for later,” she replied quietly. Rey could see the pain on Leia’s face and she pulled the pale cloak around her against the cold wind that had whipped up.  

“General, how bad is it?” Poe queried gravely.

“Our losses were significant.”

“How many are left?”

Leia pursed her thin lips. “Three hundred and twelve. Most of our ships are gone but the medical frigate and the _Ninka_ are waiting for us in orbit.”

“Three hundred…” Poe breathed, and Rey could only watch as he struggled to comprehend such a figure. She thought back to the celebrations on D’Qar after the destruction of Starkiller Base, and all of the Resistance fighters and crew who had been there.

“I know it’s a shock, Commander. And you’ll be debriefed fully,” Leia went on. “But for now—”

She stopped abruptly, a strange look passing across her features. She turned slowly and the small gathering followed her gaze and saw that Luke had arrived at the clearing. Brother and sister stared at each other while Poe moved to Rey’s side.

Leia took a few steps forward, still leaning on her cane, and Rey realized how unsteady she was on her feet. She wanted to help, but didn’t want to intrude on the charged moment between siblings. As it was, she could feel the Force thrumming as Luke covered the rest of the ground between them. He looked grave, as always, but there was a certain tenderness in his eyes that Rey had never seen before. 

“Luke,” Leia murmured.

He took a final step just as she held up her hand with a wry smile. “I know what you’re going to say. I changed my hair.”

“Leia,” he breathed, his gaze watery. Then his eyes widened in alarm when she faltered where she stood and both he and Rey reached out to catch her before she collapsed.

Luke knelt on the ground holding her when Leia’s eyes fluttered open again after a few seconds.

“Where have you been?” she whispered, her tone accusatory as she looked up at him. “We needed you.”

“What is it? What’s wrong with her?” Poe demanded.

Chewie growled a response, before moving forward to help the General to her feet. She kept hold of Luke with one hand and the Wookiee with the other. “I’m fine, there’s no need to fuss. We should talk on the ship. All of us.”

The last was an instruction for her twin brother more than anyone else, and Rey was surprised that Luke didn’t even try to protest.

“We’ll dock the _Falcon_ , the droids are still on board,” said Poe, a frown still creasing his brow. “We’ll see you on the _Raddus_.”

“Come with us,” Rey said to Finn and she grabbed onto his hand, just as he had done to her on Jakku.

Finn nodded and they moved away from the transport as its wide bay doors closed with Leia, Luke and Chewbacca safely on board. Rey’s fingers brushed against Poe’s hand as they waited, a silent acknowledgement of his concern for the General and the shocking news of the deaths of so many Resistance fighters. Poe’s jaw was locked, his eyes fixed on the transport as it lifted off, but after a few moments he noticed her worried gaze and reached up to touch his knuckles to her neck in a brief caress that was hidden from Finn.

“Let’s get going,” he said.

As the trio made their way back to the _Falcon_ Poe had endless questions for Finn, but soon learned that he’d only regained consciousness a few days before. Most of what he could tell them was second hand – he’d woken amidst the evacuation of the rebel base to find himself on the _Raddus_ , no Rey or Poe, and the First Order arrived with a Dreadnought-class warship as well as several Star Destroyers.

“They held them off as long as they could while the rest of the Resistance was being evacuated. But the fleet’s firepower is nothing compared to the _Fulminatrix_.”

Poe swore under his breath. Rey knew he wished he had been there to help. He’d expressed his frustration repeatedly about being away from his squadron, and that was when he thought the Resistance would still be celebrating their win over the First Order after Starkiller Base. The idea that his friends had been under attack and he wasn’t there to help was weighing heavily on him. Poe moved a few steps ahead of them, deep in thought.

“I don’t know much else,” Finn said regretfully. “Not too many people want to talk to a former Stormtrooper these days.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you woke up,” replied Rey, giving his hand a squeeze. She’d kept a hold of him as they headed down the stone steps to the ship, still relieved that he had recovered from his terrible injury.

“I didn’t know where you were. They told me you went to find Luke Skywalker. Both of you.”

“I’ve been training with Master Skywalker,” she said simply. Far too much had happened with Luke and Kylo Ren, not to mention her attachment to Poe, to go into any specifics.

They fell into silence as they walked the last few minutes to the ship. BB-8 was rolling around the extended ramp, trilling excitedly at the sight of Finn. He didn’t understand what the droid was saying but seemed to appreciate the sentiment.

“Beebee-Ate missed you too,” Rey translated.

When they walked up the ramp and towards the cockpit Finn tugged at her hand. “What happened on Starkiller Base? It’s all over the Resistance that you fought Kylo Ren. He didn’t hurt you, did he?”

“Tell him how you carved up that fucker’s face,” said Poe as he moved past them after securing the ship for take-off. He entered the cockpit first and took a seat in the co-pilot’s chair.

“It’s a long story, let’s talk about it later,” Rey grumbled, embarrassed and in no mood to get into an argument with Poe on the subject of Kylo Ren, which invariably happened when his name was mentioned. “Commander, I think you should pilot the ship.”

“Are you sure, Commander?” Poe asked, his tone prickly and with a trace of sarcasm at their use of formal titles. Then he glanced at Finn who had sat himself in one of the chairs at the rear of the cockpit, before offering Rey an apologetic look. They swapped seats without another word.

“You’re a commander now?” Finn asked her. “How long was I out?”

“It’s just something Leia did before we left,” she said dismissively as she commenced the startup sequence from the co-pilot’s chair.

“It’s a Jedi thing from Alliance days,” explained Poe, lighter now, and with another fleeting peek at Finn over his shoulder. “But I’m really in charge.”

“Ha! She could kick your ass,” Finn declared.

Poe’s gaze settled on Rey who was pretending not to listen to them. “Don’t I know it.”

“I missed you guys,” Finn said with a shake of his head. “You hadn’t even met each other last time I saw you both. Now here we are together.”

Rey and Poe shared a very brief, guarded look.

“Ready when you are.” She nodded pointedly at the controls so Poe would take over.

The journey to the Star Cruiser’s docking bay was short. Poe inhaled sharply when he saw the damage to the bridge and primary hangar, and his mood immediately darkened again. They were directed to a secondary bay where there were only a handful of starfighters, too few for a ship the size of the _Raddus_.

Poe’s brow was creased as they disembarked the _Falcon_ , then they heard a shout and a small group of pilots yelled out a colorful greeting in unison to their commanding officer. He let out a relieved chortle and ran over to them, leaving Rey and Finn with the droids. Poe hugged each one fiercely before they filled him in on everything that had happened in his absence.

“Artoo Detoo, I am pleased to see you,” said a gold humanoid droid that came forward to greet them. Rey recognized him from the command center on D’Qar. “General Organa will be anxious for your full report. Come along.”

“You can go too, Beebee-Ate,” Rey said, nodding her head. “We’ll be there soon.”

BB-8 followed behind the other droids with an enthusiastic whistle, happy to be back amongst the Resistance. Rey smiled faintly then looked up to find Finn staring at her, and she realized they were alone for the first time.

“I was worried about you,” he said quietly. “When I woke up you were the first thing I asked about.”

Rey squeezed his arm. “I missed you too. I wanted to stay until you’d recovered.”

He shook his head. “I’m glad you weren’t there when the First Order found us. I’m glad you were safe.”

Rey doubted she could adequately explain how not safe her trip to Ahch-To had turned out, considering her connection to Kylo Ren and the difficulties she’d experienced with Luke convincing him to guide her in the ways of the Force.

“It was a little...challenging at first,” she said evasively, not ready to bring up the subject of Ren. “Master Skywalker wasn’t exactly happy to see me.”

“At least you had Poe for company.”

“Yes.” Rey bit her lip. She wanted to tell him about their unexpected attachment to each other but it wasn’t something they’d talked about sharing. She certainly didn’t want the entire rebel crew to know about something so personal, but felt awkward raising it with Finn, too.

“I thought he died on Jakku, after I saved his life by getting him off the star destroyer,” Finn said as they watched Poe with his team.

“He told me.”

“And then you turned around and saved my life on Starkiller Base.”

“And Jakku,” she said teasingly, nudging him in the ribs.

“Yeah, there as well,” he replied, his eyes now on her. “I don’t know how you did it. Especially fighting Kylo Ren.”

Rey shrugged. “Neither did I, to be honest.”

“You’re a Jedi,” Finn said, his voice full of awe.

“No quite. Not exactly.” Rey looked away evasively.

Finn’s chest puffed out and he stood up straighter. “I’m friends with a Jedi.”

Rey shoved his shoulder this time and they grinned at each other.

“Finn!”

She looked over as a short woman in mechanic coveralls approached them from across the docking bay.

“Is this Rey?” she asked, holding out a somewhat grimy hand to her which she took.

“It is. Rey, this is Rose.”

“Rose Tico. I’ve heard so much about you,” Rose gushed. Her eyes fell to the lightsaber on Rey’s belt. “You’re really a Jedi.”

“Um, in training,” Rey clarified. She really did need to work out a better way to explain her still-evolving position as a Force-sensitive former scavenger from nowhere who found herself in the middle of a war, fighting alongside new friends, learning from a grumpy Jedi Master, and in an undefined relationship with a cocky pilot she’d fallen for far too quickly and easily. Not to mention her fateful connection to a monster who she believed she needed to save in order to defeat their tyrannical enemy and bring peace to the galaxy. Rey took a deep breath.

“Well, we need all the help we can get,” said Rose, her enthusiasm still evident.

“I guess we’re both part of the Resistance now,” Finn muttered, and Rey smiled weakly at him. Neither of them had known what they were in for when they’d met on Jakku.

“I guess so,” Rey said, looking over at Poe who had turned to glance at her. He said a few last words to his squadron and returned to her side, now smiling at Rose.

“Hey kid! I thought you and Paige were on the _Ninka?_ ”

“I’m assigned here now,” Rose replied hesitantly.

Poe’s face fell. “Fuck. Rose… I’m so sorry.” He sighed and pulled her into a hug.

“Paige was Rose’s sister, she was killed in the battle,” Finn whispered to Rey.

Rose wiped at her eyes. “It’s okay. We knew what we signed up for.” 

He shook his head in response, unable to find suitable words to offer any more comfort to her. “I’m sorry, we gotta go report to the General,” he said in the end. “But I’ll see you later, okay?”

They left Rose and Finn in the docking bay, Poe striding towards the command center so that Rey had to quicken her step to keep up. He didn’t say anything but she could feel his anger mounting once more. Below it all was a deep sense of sadness that seeped from him.

“I’m glad your team is here,” she offered kindly. What she really wanted to do was hold him and take away the hurt but they weren’t alone on the _Falcon_ anymore. He was a senior member of the Resistance and she was the unknown commodity that the other rebels talked about in whispers when they saw her.

“Yeah, me too,” Poe replied stiffly.

“They must have been relieved to see you.”

“Yeah.”

His mood didn’t improve when they arrived at the command center where a small number of officers had gathered with Leia and Luke. Rey only recognized a couple of familiar faces, including that of Lieutenant Connix. Leia nodded to them both and Poe solemnly greeted each of the officers in turn. Luke sat sedately to one side of the room looking out of place physically but not at all self conscious. Rey slipped into a seat next to him.

For Poe’s benefit, Leia began to run through the events of their evacuation and their journey to Ahch-To while the First Order continued to pursue them. Their status was dire with most of the Resistance fleet lost in the battle of D’Qar, including all of their bombers and the majority of their starfighters. Almost all of the _Raddus’_ s command team had been killed including Admirals Ackbar and Statura, and they were still counting the number of dead from the other ships’ crews. The General’s explanation of her own injuries was suspiciously brief, before she began discussing the subsequent attacks on their known allies.

“What about our ships on Mirrin Prime?” Poe asked when he couldn’t stand listening to any more. Rey could feel his bristling tension from across the room.

Leia just shook her head.

“So where does this leave us?”

“A question for all of us to consider,” the General said, looking pointedly at Luke. “But Vice Admiral Holdo has some ideas. Admiral?”

Rey watched as a tall, slender woman in a grey gown stepped forward and began outlining options for the Resistance to regroup, take stock of their people and resources, and seek aid from their remaining allies who were still loyal to the cause. Luke leaned towards Rey and spoke in a voice so low that she wasn’t sure if he actually was talking or if she was hearing him through some kind of Force-assisted communication.

“We should return to the island.”

Rey turned her head slightly, and muttered out of the corner of her mouth, “No.”

“You will not learn the ways of the Force here. We need to continue our lessons.”

“We’re needed here. You can’t turn your back on your sister.”

“You wanted me to teach you, that’s what I’m trying to do.”

“Shhh.”

“How do we strike back at the First Order?” Poe was asking Holdo. “What’s the plan?”

“We’re not in position to strike back, Commander,” Admiral Holdo said evenly. “Our numbers have been decimated, our resources destroyed. How exactly do you suggest we take the fight to them under the circumstances?”

“We don’t need to fight from a position of strength. There are other ways we can hit them where it hurts.”

“Let me guess, by blowing something up?”

“It might be simple but it’s effective,” Poe replied obstinately.

“Clearly we need to discuss this in more detail. Thank you, Admiral,” Leia intoned. “Let’s reconvene at 1100 hours to go over our options.”

The command team began talking among themselves, Holdo moving to Leia’s side to speak with her intently. Rey caught the lilac-haired officer looking at her as she murmured to Leia but her attention was drawn away when Poe sat down next to her with a huff.

“I can’t believe after everything we’d just run and hide,” Poe grumbled. “We brought down Starkiller Base, didn’t we?”

“Withdrawing from a fight has its merits in some cases,” Luke offered.

“You’d know,” muttered Poe under his breath which earned him a glare from Rey. He had the decency to look regretful, even though Luke had ignored the insult.

“Poe? I’d like to see you now,” Leia said, motioning him to join her in her private quarters.

Poe took a deep breath before getting up to follow the General. Holdo glanced at Rey again as she passed by before sweeping out of the command center with a couple of staff in tow. Rey didn’t know why, but decided the sight of the long lost Jedi Master beside her may be playing a part. It was the same for the rest of the crew. Everyone stared unashamedly at Luke since he came on board the _Raddus_ , as if surprised to find there was a man behind the myth. Rey understood the attraction of a solitary lifestyle if that was the reaction he got everywhere he went. She definitely didn’t want that for herself, neither the notoriety nor the solitude.

“Do you think they’d notice if we just took a ship back to the island?” Luke wondered out loud. “It wouldn’t have to be a big ship.”

“Leia clearly wants us here.”

“Fine,” he said with a sigh and leaned back in the seat with his eyes closed.

As Luke’s breathing slowed in meditation Rey knew she should do the same but she was too on edge. Instead she blocked out the occasional stares from those remaining in the command center and waited in silence. Rey knew all about waiting.

The next few hours were spent in more meetings about their next steps. Poe was more circumspect in his comments and suggestions, whether that was due to whatever the General had spoken to him about or simply his temper cooling. Luke contributed little and was quietly relieved that no one suggested that the Resistance remain on Ahch-To for long. Rey had even less to say but listened intently as the officers discussed the merits of various plans – to fight or to retreat.

The consensus, at least for the moment while they took a break and Poe ushered her to the ship’s mess, was to go into hiding. A sensible plan, she supposed, given the First Order’s superior resources and the fact that Supreme Leader Snoke was intent on hunting down Luke and herself. She didn’t want to think about the part that Kylo Ren had to play in that.

Rey was happy to find Finn and Rose in the mess and they were able to catch up some more. Poe had been stopped multiple times to talk to different crew members on his way to join them that they’d almost finished eating by the time he arrived at their table.

“Everything okay?” Rey asked but noted he was calmer than he had been earlier.

“As good as it can be,” he said and began picking at his rations.

“I think that’s pretty much all we can hope for at the moment,” Rose added and she gave him a small smile.

Poe looked between Rose and Finn who were sat side by side opposite them.“How’d you two meet?”

They shared a glance that Rey couldn’t decipher except that Finn seemed slightly bashful.

“We might have had a bit of a disagreement about ship resources,” was all he said.

“Let’s just say Finn’s desire to come find you two was a little premature,” Rose continued vaguely. “But we got here in the end.”

“Rose won’t ask but she’s dying to see the _Falcon_ up close.” Finn deftly changed the subject but still received a jab from an embarrassed mechanic.

“I mean, only if you have time. Later, obviously,” Rose said to Rey in a rush.

“I can show you now, if you like. I don’t think the General will miss me, will she?” Rey asked Poe.

He pushed aside his tray, his meal barely touched, and shook his head. “I know where you are if she does. You guys go, I’m gonna head back to command.”

Rey laid her hand on his thigh under the table, frustrated she couldn’t touch him the way she wanted to, the way that came naturally to her now. He didn’t seem to even notice.

“I’ll see you later,” Poe said to no one in particular as he got up and left the mess.

She kept her features composed so Finn and Rose wouldn’t suspect anything was awry and suggested they head out to the docking bay. Rose, it turned out, knew all about the _Millennium Falcon_ , and was able to list off a string of facts and figures about its history and capabilities. She grew increasingly excited as they made their way up the ramp and into the legendary ship.

“I never knew it would be this beautiful,” Rose breathed as she moved into the main hold, her eyes wide and shining.

“Chewie would love you,” replied Rey as the other woman wandered through the space, taking it all in. Han would’ve too, she thought.

While Finn – who wasn’t anywhere near as thrilled to be back on the ship – waited in the lounge, Rey gave Rose a guided tour. She pointed out the areas she thought would interest a mechanically-minded person the most, the parts that she loved the most herself, and found out Rose could definitely hold her own. Rey knew they could spend hours discussing the idiosyncrasies of the freighter, and hoped they would have the opportunity.

It wasn’t until they passed the crew holds and head that Rey remembered that only one of the bunks looked like it was in use. And that she and Poe had left the room in disarray in their haste to get up that morning. Rey moved on quickly, diverting Rose’s attention to an inane feature of the galley and hoped she didn’t notice. Then she peppered Rose with questions about her background, carefully out of respect for her recent loss, and was relieved to find that Rose was a talker. Once she started on a topic she was interested in, like YT-1300 freighter engines, she could keep going.

Luke arrived a little later and unceremoniously kicked out Rose and Finn so he and Rey could converse on Force-related matters. Without being told where they were, he delved into a drawer and retrieved the Jedi texts that she had stolen from the island.

“Perhaps now would be an opportune time to take a look at these,” he said.

They spent the rest of the afternoon poring over the ancient books and suppressing far too frequent yawns.

“Yoda was right, page-turners they are not,” Luke commented when Rey returned from the galley with a large pot of caf.

They persevered all afternoon. At least, Rey did. At some point Luke announced he was going to meditate in one of the cargo holds, and when she caught him napping he blatantly lied and said he was just ‘resting his eyes’.

When the golden droid came in search of Luke, proclaiming that General Organa needed him, Rey was ready to shove the books back into the drawer and never open it again. She wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do after Luke left, but took the opportunity to straighten up the bunk and remove any evidence of her cohabitation with Poe. Just in case, she reasoned. The ship was an icon of the Rebellion, so Rose may not be the only one who’d want to take a look on board.

Later she found Finn in the mess, and Rose soon joined them. Rey kept an eye out for Poe among the Resistance crew that came and went from the meals area, but he was nowhere to be found. She hoped he was with his squadron rather than still stuck in command meetings, but when the pilots arrived in a noisy group Poe was not with them.

Eventually Rey decided to go in search of him. She didn’t think she’d look too out of place lurking outside the command center, not if Luke was there. She could pretend she was looking for the Jedi Master, not her…boyfriend? Rey wasn’t sure what word to use to describe Poe but that one didn’t seem right somehow. Maybe he could teach her a word in Yavinese that was more suitable. Even crude pilot slang would do.

She was still trying to think of other options when she rounded a corner and almost ran into the object of her vocabulary dilemma. It struck her how worn out he looked and she automatically reached out to touch his arm.

“Are you okay?”

He sighed plaintively. “It’s been a long day.”

There was no one around them and Rey rested her forehead against his in sympathy.

“Let’s get you something to eat, then you can rest,” she said her hand slipping down his arm to entwine her fingers with his.

Poe let out a groan. “I promised my team I’d catch up with them for a drink.” He pulled away so he could look into her eyes. “Come with me?”

It was probably the last thing Rey felt like doing but she agreed in response to his hopeful gaze. They walked back to the mess, keeping a respectable distance between them, and Poe made short work of introducing her to Black Squadron and a few of the other pilots who joined them.

Most of the others had left the mess so the number of new people she had to socialize with was limited. As usual she was a focus of curiosity but Rey soon learned who was who, that they were friendly if a little overbearing, and that they loved their commander. The latter endeared them to Rey immediately.

She heard Poe laugh properly for the first time since they arrived on the _Raddus_ as he accepted a bowl of food from one of them. Jess Pava, Rey recalled. After that the tallest of the pilots, Captain Wexley but for some reason everyone called him Snap, started handing around an array of cups and mugs and pouring a mouthful of a clear liquid into each.

“Alright, alright,” Snap said, raising his voice to cut through their chatter. “Shut up you lot.”

Poe moved back to Rey’s side, still chewing on a mouthful of food.

“I have broken out our best if only booze to celebrate the return of our erstwhile leader, Poe Dameron,” announced Snap to raucous cheers from the pilots. “Rey, you have our commiserations for putting up with him all this time. To the Commander!”

They held up their cups and repeated the words before swigging the alcohol. Rey went to do the same but Poe’s hand was on her arm.

“You don’t have to drink it.” It was more of a warning than a suggestion.

There was a round of boos, led by another of the female pilots (Karé, she remembered), and Rey looked at Poe defiantly before swallowing the mouthful in one go. She winced at the intense burn in her throat even as she laughed at the cheer that went up among the group. Poe looked at her in obvious admiration then drank his as well.

Snap did the rounds of refills. “Okay. Next, to our fallen brethren.”

He held up his cup and everyone followed suit. Snap proceeded to name every pilot they’d lost during the Battle of D’Qar, and maybe even Starkiller Base as well. They drank again, the mood more somber. Poe kept his eyes on his empty mug, only looking up when Snap topped it up again.

“Boss?” Wexley prompted, and Rey noticed how all of the pilots were looking to Poe for the next toast.

“To the Resistance!” Poe said, loudly and clearly, and the phrase echoed around the room in a chorus.

Four – or was it five – drinks later, Rey was feeling warm and happy. She knew most of it was the effect of the alcohol but the rest was how included she felt – Black Squadron and the other pilots ensured she joined in their conversation which was mainly focused on their past exploits. They especially liked to rib Poe about times where things hadn’t quite gone to plan, which he allowed good-naturedly.

“We should get outta here, this could go on all night,” he said in a whisper, his mouth pressed to her ear so the others couldn’t overhear.

Rey responded by leaning in towards him and nipping at his earlobe instead of using her words, which resulted in a look in Poe’s eyes that made her insides squirm.

“Alright, we’re out,” he said to the others, quickly masking the desire that had flooded his features. “Some of us need to report for duty in the morning.”

The resulting taunts of quitting were ignored as Poe gestured for Rey to leave the mess ahead of him. A couple of other more suggestive comments were thrown out at that point which Poe silenced with an empty threat of retribution. She grinned as he followed her closely, too closely if anyone else had witnessed them, but it was late and the ship’s corridors were empty. His hand moved to her ass as their steps quickened and a bubble of laughter escaped her lips.

Only BB-8 was on board the _Falcon_ which was still docked with the cruiser. He beeped a query at them which neither responded to, Poe just ordered over his shoulder that the droid should power down for the night. He locked the crew hold door behind them while Rey bent to pull off her boots. She stumbled unsteadily which caused her to laugh again.

“You’re drunk.” Poe grinned.

“So are you.”

“True.” He wasted no time in pulling her into his arms and kissing her deeply. Rey moaned into his mouth. He stopped just long enough to say, “I’ve wanted to do that all day.”

Her arms wrapped around his neck as she moved them towards the bunk. He fell back with a grunt then pulled her onto his lap so she straddled his thighs.

“Fuck, Rey,” he sighed as she ground her hips down and kissed him again.

“Yes, fuck Rey. Please,” she said, her teeth knocking against his as she smiled into his mouth.

“Well, since you asked so politely.” Poe picked her up and dropped her back onto the bunk which made her head spin in a new and intriguing way.

Rey had tried alcohol before on Jakku but never so much that it made her feel this way. She didn’t think she could concentrate on her worries even if she wanted to, which was a welcome reprieve. It helped that Poe was working his way from her neck and down her chest, his hands slipping under her tunic to graze against her hot, needy skin. Then all coherent thought was lost when he moved further down, pulling her pants and underwear off in one swift maneuver, and buried his face between her legs.

 

———

 

She dreamed again…familiar voices calling for her as she floated in the darkness of sleep. She didn’t respond to them, just listened with a vague sense of detachment until the murmurs became more frequent, coming from all directions over the top of one another, and repeatedly saying her name. When they reached a crescendo her stomach clenched and Rey’s eyes blinked open.

There was just one voice and it was calling for her: Leia.


	5. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plans are made. Other things are broken.

Rey lay in their bunk, Poe nestled against her back, as Leia’s voice echoed in her mind. The General wasn’t in distress, that much she could tell. Her need was more melancholic, and Rey was compelled to go to her.  

She carefully extricated herself from the bunk, no longer feeling the effects of their drinking session with the pilots apart from a dry mouth. Poe stirred but didn’t wake as she began getting dressed, and buried his face in her pillow. His hair was a mess, thanks mostly to her fingers, the memory of which caused her lips to twitch in a small smile. She dropped a soft kiss to his temple. Then, without bothering to wonder what compelled her to do so, she shrugged on the brown cloak the Caretakers had given her over her tunic – her Jedi robe.

As she stepped off the _Falcon_ ’s ramp and into the cooler air of the docking bay there were few members of the crew around. She projected inconspicuousness and soon realized that no one even glanced her way as she passed. Rey wished she’d known about Jedi mind tricks growing up on Jakku. There were plenty of times where she’d wanted to be effectively invisible to others.

When she reached the command center the officers on duty didn’t look up from their consoles. Rey pressed a hand to the panel by Leia’s door and it open automatically. The General was sat by a large viewport – beyond it Rey could see the misty haze that surrounded the peak of Ahch-To. Her head was resting in one hand and Rey immediately felt like she was intruding, and had only dreamt of Leia calling for her.

“General?” she asked tentatively.

Leia looked up wanly, and tears formed in her eyes when her gaze met Rey’s. She held out a hand and Rey moved quickly to kneel in front of her. Leia smiled then and laid a worn hand to Rey’s cheek.

“Thank you for coming,” she said.

“I heard you. I thought you needed me,” Rey replied quietly, almost reverently, as she stared up at the legendary leader.

“I did. I do.” Leia’s smile faded. “I need to talk to you about my son.”

Rey flinched inadvertently and pulled away from her hand. She was motioned to chair beside the General, her thoughts whirling as she took a seat.

“Luke told me about your connection to Kylo Ren,” Leia said, her voice low. “You’ve been talking with him.”

Rey nodded and looked down at her lap as if she had been caught doing something wrong.

“How is he?”

She glanced up in surprise, not expecting the question.

“I know,” Leia continued, “it’s not something I am supposed to ask. Not after everything that’s happened since he turned to the dark side. But he’s my son.”

“He wants me to join him. He said he wants to teach me,” Rey admitted, ashamed. “I told him no, of course.”

“It’s Snoke. He’s the one who poisoned his mind against everything he was raised to believe…and against his own parents. And when Han—” Leia paused for a moment, working through her grief, before she was able to go on. “I thought after he killed his father he was lost forever. But maybe I was wrong.”

“Why do you say that?”

“He was there at D’Qar. He led the attack on this ship during the evacuation. I felt his presence. It was the first time in years…” She stopped again and reached out to grasp Rey’s hand. “His intent was to fire on the bridge but when we connected through the Force I felt it – his doubt, his regret… I even think his love for his mother. It wasn’t my son who destroyed the bridge and killed our command team. He couldn’t do it. It’s partly why I was able to survive the blast as I did… I felt Ben’s presence. _My_ Ben.”

“I’ve felt it too,” Rey whispered. “He’s still in there.”

Leia fought back tears and nodded solemnly.

“I believe he can be saved,” said Rey earnestly, and for the first time she didn’t fear a rebuke as Leia’s grip tightened. “Luke doesn’t think so. I told him I thought Ben would turn away from the dark side, that it might be the way the Resistance could truly defeat Snoke and the First Order. He doesn’t believe it.”

“But you do…”

“Yes,” Rey said. “Yes, I do.”

“So do I,” Leia replied. “Rey, I need your help. I think together we can save Ben and the Resistance both. We are greatly outmatched now, and left unchecked the First Order’s reach will only grow. We don’t know what they have planned, or what intelligence they have about the location of our bases and remaining allies. But Ben will. If he were on our side—”

“You don’t have to convince me,” Rey interjected. “I’ll help you, General.”

Leia smiled, her eyes shining. “You really are an extraordinary young woman. I was right about you.”

“What about Luke?” Rey asked hesitantly, silently adding ‘and Poe’ when she thought about what his reaction would be.

“You leave Luke to me. And the rest of them. This isn’t something that will be understood by those closest to us. And it’s not without its dangers.”

“I know the risks. I still want to try.” Rey took a breath, deciding to tell her everything. “I’ve seen it... I’ve seen Ben as he should be – a true Jedi. And I… I don’t know what my destiny will be, but I know it’s not that. Not like Luke and Ben. It’s something different. I _feel_ it with everything I am.”

“I believe you.”

Rey felt like she could burst into tears at those simple words, that her ideas about her future might not be so unfounded after all. Leia enveloped her in a hug and she experienced the same motherly comfort that she had when she first met the General after returning from Starkiller Base. She held onto the sensation as long as she could, trying not to be overwhelmed by her need for parental affection.

“How are we going to do this?” Rey said when she’d composed herself and sat back in her chair.

“If we could get a message to him...arrange to meet away from Snoke…”

“I could do that. I can still communicate with him.”

“We’ll choose somewhere far away from here where the Resistance can remain safe for the time being. And then we’ll bring Ben home.”

“When?”

“As soon as possible,” Leia said, her energy increasing. “The First Order may have lost their superweapon but they are still a danger to anyone who opposes them.”

“I’ll let you know as soon as I’ve made contact.”

Rey got to her feet and Leia pulled herself up too, heavily and clearly in some pain. But neither of them commented on it as Leia gave her an encouraging nod.

“Thank you, Rey. You have no idea how grateful I am.”

Rey wanted to tell the General that she did know, and felt the same gratitude because Leia believed her. Instead she got right to work, and as she returned to the _Millennium Falcon_ she thought of nothing else but communicating with Kylo Ren. She refused to think about Luke or Poe, or the wisdom in exposing herself and Leia to the enemy. If Ben could be turned the power would shift in the fight against the First Order, of that she was certain. The others may not accept it at first but if they succeeded it would all be worth it.

It was easier than she anticipated to reach out to Kylo Ren this time. Rey hid in the cargo hold of the _Falcon_ while Poe slept on, and proposed a rendezvous point where they could meet, one selected by Leia.

Ren remained coldly composed, but in his eyes she saw raw emotion. “You want to talk face to face. There, of all places.”

“We can’t keep communicating at cross-purposes like this,” she said. “It isn’t a trick. We just want to talk.”

“Alright,” he replied after a brief pause.

“Come alone,” she instructed, having expected more opposition. “Your mother and I will, too.”

“Fine.”

“Swear to me,” Rey insisted. “You’ll come alone.”

“I swear. Just you, me and the venerable General Leia Organa.”

She frowned at the flare of anger and doubt that flashed in her mind, a projection from him. But Ren’s expression was blank before he looked away and he vanished abruptly. Rey sat there a while longer before sending a confirmation of the meeting to Leia. She needed to quiet her overactive mind so she could decide how to broach the subject with Poe.

It was early, and he was still asleep when she returned to their bunk. She knew she wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep but she didn’t want to be alone with her thoughts either. Rey wanted to be near him and his warm, calming presence. She stripped out of her clothes in favor of Poe’s shirt that had been discarded on the floor and slipped back into bed beside him. He snuggled in closer to her and took a deep breath. Rey kissed his forehead and wrapped her arms around him as tightly as she could without waking him.

When Poe lifted his face and kissed the underside of her jaw she realized that perhaps she hadn’t been as careful as she’d intended. Not when his mouth began following a slow, lazy journey from her neck to her parted lips. He didn’t say anything and she wondered fleetingly if he was fully conscious, until he shifted himself up and rested more of his weight on her as he continued to languidly explore her mouth. Rey pulled him closer to her, finding comfort in his heavier body overlapping hers. She hooked one leg over his muscular thigh and pushed her hips up, seeking friction to address the need pooling in her belly. Poe’s hand slipped under her shirt to cup one breast but he was in no rush as he lay soft kisses on her flushed skin.

Rey’s frustration was mounting almost as fast as her desire for him. In the back of her mind – the sensible, rational part – she knew this want was a distraction. That instead of telling Poe what she and Leia had planned she would rather have his hands on her to make her forget, however temporarily, of the mission that awaited them. Rey didn’t much like herself for it, but she allowed that selfish, primal part of her to take over her actions and she abruptly shoved him off her and onto his back. Poe was definitely awake now, his eyes open and staring up adoringly at her as she pulled off the shirt and tossed it back onto the floor. She knew he liked it when she took the initiative, and without a word she showed him what she wanted, and took what she needed.

It wasn’t until she was clutching him after, still shuddering around him as he held her in place on top of him while she rode out the shockwaves of her orgasm, that Rey felt remorse for her actions and guilt for what was going to happen. Her eyes were wet when his hand guided her to his mouth to kiss her. Poe froze.

“Are you okay?” he croaked, cupping her cheeks in both hands now so he could look at her properly.

Rey nodded, not trusting her voice, and slipped the fingers of one hand through his where they lay against her face. Poe was frowning, clearly not believing her and tried to shift so he wasn’t still inside her. But she stopped him by pressing herself onto his chest until his arms encircled her.

“Hold me, please,” she whispered. “I just want to stay like this for a minute.”

Poe complied with her request but she could sense his incomprehension and concern. She’d have to confront the truth with him later, but for now she wanted to pretend that it was just the two of them...no Resistance, no First Order, and no Kylo Ren.  

 

———

 

Rey took her time in the refresher. She’d turned into a shameless waster of water, she decided, but didn’t want to leave its comforting heat. She was no closer to working out what to say to Poe, or Luke, about going back on her word that she wouldn’t face Kylo Ren alone. Technically she wasn’t, Leia would be there too, but she knew neither man would care about technicalities on this particular matter.

She was alone on the _Falcon_ as she readied herself for the day and what would come after. Poe had left the ship before she made it to the ‘fresher, withdrawn and saying little to her. Rey missed his presence even as she dreaded his return. She was retying her still-wet hair when he did appear – showered, shaved and in a brand new uniform. The effect was startling, at least to her eyes. She was so used to his scruffy cheeks and unruly curls that his formal appearance caused her chest to tighten with sudden sadness. Things really were different, and it seemed irrevocably so.

He did offer her a bowl of some gluggy mush that he’d been holding behind his back. Poe had always taken his responsibilities seriously when it came to getting her to eat regularly. Rey smiled as she took it to the main hold, never one to turn her nose up at food, and found it tasted much better than it looked. She forced herself to swallow all of it as he sat watching her, his frown softening.

“You’re dressed up,” Rey said eventually, trying to coax him into conversation. She didn’t like it when they were awkward with each other, especially when she sensed it was going to get a lot worse.

“The General wants me to meet with Holdo and the command team to go over our next move,” he replied.

“You look very commanding.”

This elicited a small snort from Poe which lightened the mood. “I think she’s going to put Holdo in charge. Whatever happened to Leia at D’Qar has taken its toll. You saw how weak she was.”

Rey sidestepped that last comment. “What’s Holdo like?”

“I don’t know her well but she has an impressive reputation. It’s just not the same… Leia’s always led the Resistance and it’s strange to see her taking a back seat.”

She looked down at her bowl, knowing it could no longer be avoided. She couldn’t ignore the anxiety that surged within her.

“Hey,” Poe murmured gently, holding out his hand across the table to her. “Talk to me. What’s wrong?”

Rey looked at his outstretched fingers but didn’t take them. Instead she crossed her arms, her eyes still downcast.

“If I hurt you—” Poe choked out but couldn’t finish.

Rey’s head snapped up and she saw the misery on his features. A noise caught in her throat. “You didn’t. You never have.”

When it appeared he didn’t believe her she scrambled out of her seat and tugged him up too so she could wrap her arms around him. Poe held her like she might break until Rey kissed him tenderly, whispering reassurances into his warm mouth. Then he pressed his face into her neck and hugged her tightly.  

“Is it being back with the Resistance?” he asked, his hand moving to cradle the back of her head. “I can tell Luke hates it, but I thought with Finn here, and the others you’ve met…” He pulled back so he could look into her eyes. “You’re part of this, Rey.”

She pressed her lips together, trying not to tear up at his sincerity. She had to steel herself if she was going to get through this.

“It’s not the Resistance,” she said carefully, her hands coming to rest on his uniformed chest. “I spoke to Leia.”

“What about?”

“She needs my help… It’s about Ben.”

Poe’s hands dropped to his sides. “No,” he said quietly.

“She’s felt the good in him, too. If we try together, if we go to him, we know he’ll turn from the dark side,” Rey said in a rush.

He scowled and moved away from her. “I thought all of that was behind you. You said Luke made you choose.”

“And I did. I thought I had. But Leia—”

“Nope. This is crazy.” Poe started pacing in the main hold. “I can’t believe she would ask you to do that.”

“She did. And we’ve agreed to meet.”

“You’ve agreed to… Wait, are you still talking to him?”

Rey nodded, trying not to react to the puzzled betrayal that flashed in his eyes. She took a deep breath. “Leia believes, like I do, that if Ben Solo could be turned then we have a chance against the First Order. You’ve seen what damage they’ve done… There’s barely any Resistance left! If we don’t fight with everything we have, then there’s no hope.”

“No! There’s always hope. Leia is our hope. _You_ are our hope,” Poe said desperately, before his temper got the better of him and his voice got louder. “Not that fucking psychopath! I don’t care whose son he is – he assassinated innocent children at the Jedi Temple. He ordered the deaths of all those villagers on Jakku. And that’s barely scratching the surface. What about the entire Hosnian system? Even if he didn’t give the order, he aligned himself with those genocidal maniacs. This is not someone who deserves redemption, Rey!”

“Snoke has poisoned his mind—”

Poe’s face scrunched incredulously. “Snoke just gave him what he wanted – power. All this fucking talk of the Force and the dark side, it’s all banthashit! He’s a twisted, moody loner with a God complex. He’s a fucking murderer!”

Rey’s eyes blazed. “Are we so different? How many people died on Starkiller Base, do you think?”

“What?!” He gaped as if she’d hit him.

“Even if you argue that the First Order officers were complicit, what about the Stormtroopers? How many of them are like Finn, stolen from their families and raised to fight for a cause they don’t believe in? We just blew them up!”

The color in Poe’s face drained as he stared at her. “You mean I blew them up,” he said darkly.

“We all played a part. I was there too,” she stammered, but the damage was done.

“You think I’m like him?”

“No, of course not. I didn’t mean that. Obviously it’s not the same…” She stepped forward to touch him but he knocked her hand away. Rey felt her own anger mount in response. “You just don’t understand. The Force, the dark side, they aren’t banthashit. That’s an ignorant statement and you know it.”

Poe let out a bitter laugh and stabbed a thumb at his chest. “Oh, I’m the ignorant one?”

“Yes, on this you are. I know you don’t want to hear it, and I’m tired of trying to explain. Leia believes her son can be saved, and I promised her I would help. This is something I have to do. Something I _want_ to do.”

“And what I want means nothing, right? My wanting you to not get yourself killed is nothing.”

Rey almost recoiled from the negative emotions that rolled off him in waves. Instead she steadied herself, controlled her breathing, and stared back at him openly and calmly. “I won’t be harmed. And yes, this isn’t something you get to decide. It’s my decision. My choice.”

Though he looked like he had more to say, Poe clamped his mouth shut and didn’t reply.

“You know why I have to do this,” she said finally.

“No, I fucking don’t.”

Rey swallowed any further argument – it was clear he would not listen. So she ended it by kissing his cheek and telling him she needed to go. Leia would be waiting, they needed to make plans. They would have to leave within the day to make their rendezvous point, so no more time could be wasted when neither side would change their minds.

She left him on the _Falcon_ , her last memory of him tainted. Rey had no idea if he would ever forgive her but she couldn’t worry about it now. Leia needed her. Ben needed her. And she needed to play her predestined part. Rey believed that with all her heart, even the bit that she had carefully, guardedly, carved out for Poe.

 

———

 

When she arrived at command Rey found Leia’s droids hovering outside of the door to her office. The gold one – C-3PO, he introduced himself formally – announced that the General was with Master Luke and could not be disturbed. She was about to suggest that she was the one person who could interrupt this particular conversation when the doors slid open and Luke was there, jabbing a finger in her face.

“You! Inside.”

Rey gulped and followed him in, to C-3PO’s astonished human-like gasp.

Leia was standing by the window, the cane still in her hand but she stood at her full height, two pink spots on her cheeks and her dark eyes fiery.

“Oh, don’t blame the girl! You know this wasn’t Rey’s doing,” Leia said, chastising her brother.

“She’s been planning this all along,” Luke argued, pointing at her again. “I warned her how dangerous it would be. I told her the risk was too great.”

“And now you’ve told me and we’re still going to do this.” Leia looked at Rey. “If you’re still sure?”

Rey nodded.

“Then you’re both more foolish than I gave you credit for,” he grumbled.

“Oh shut up, you old goat!” the General snapped.

Luke glared at Leia who returned the expression with equal strength until his features faltered and a smile crept onto his lips, followed by a low chuckle. She soon followed suit and the siblings began laughing at each other, the palpable tension in the room fading.

Leia took a few steps towards him and reached out to take his hand.

“I know I don’t have your approval. I’m not asking for it. And I know you don’t think we’ll succeed. I’m not asking you to.” Leia smiled grimly. “You may be a Grand Jedi Master, brother mine, but I’m his mother. I know my son needs me, and I can bring him to the light.”

Luke opened his mouth to protest but Leia hushed him with a gentle, “No more.” Rey had no idea how long they’d been at it but both of them looked worn out and aged.

“He’s expecting us,” she spoke up. “We agreed on a time and place, and that we’d come alone.”

“Thank you, Rey,” Leia replied, then looked back at Luke. “Thank you.”

“It’s time I left this ship,” he said softly. “My place is on the island.”

Leia frowned. “The Resistance won’t leave Ahch-To until we return. Amilyn Holdo will be in charge, and would be happy for you to stay.”

“Not now. I’ll find someone to take me down.” Luke turned his gaze to Rey. “Maybe the Dameron kid could do it. He might be grateful for the diversion.”

Rey’s face burned initially from embarrassment then annoyance, but when she looked at Leia she saw that the General had ignored the comment. Leia pressed a button on her console and Connix appeared at the door within seconds.

“Lieutenant, please organise a transport to the island for my brother.”

“Yes, General.” Connix was gone as quickly as she appeared.

“Rey, would you give us a moment please, then I’d like to speak with you,” Leia said.

Rey withdrew and left them alone, taking a seat in the command center. The team went about their business, only Connix looked up from her console and offered her a smile. Rey felt uneasy and wanted to talk to Leia. But it was some time before Luke appeared and swept past her.

“Come with me,” he ordered. Rey hesitated but he gave her a stern glance. “Don’t worry, she’ll wait for you.”

Rey followed him submissively out of command and towards the secondary hangar. She refrained from stating her argument again, she knew Luke would be just as immovable as Poe. Before they entered the bay where a small transport was powering up, he stopped abruptly and rounded on her.

“Remember our lessons,” he said gravely. “Trust in the Force, and yourself. Your path has always been different from mine, and our journey together was brief. But I believe in you, Rey from Nowhere. And so does my sister.”

Rey swallowed hard. “I will see you again, Luke.”

He tilted his head and offered her a wry smile. “Perhaps. But what I said before holds true: this isn’t going to go the way you think.”

Luke turned and walked towards the ship. He spoke briefly with the transport pilot, before he looked back to find her still waiting. “I suppose it’s tradition,” he called out. “May the Force be with you.”

It wasn’t the first time she’d heard the phrase, Leia had used it before she and Poe left for Ahch-To, but it had new meaning now. She nodded in acknowledgement and waited until Luke disappeared up the ship’s ramp. Rey took a deep breath, keeping her emotions in check, before she walked back to Leia’s office to finalize their plans.

 


	6. Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey’s long journey begins with several small steps.

To make the scheduled meeting with Kylo Ren they needed to depart by 1800 hours, leaving Leia time to consult with Admiral Holdo and her command team, and Rey time to familiarize herself with the shuttle they would be taking. Though she would have felt more comfortable, and certainly safer, in the _Millennium Falcon_ Rey didn’t question the General’s choice.

She was on her way to the hangar when Finn appeared out of nowhere and latched onto her elbow, guiding her towards a cargo hold.

“Ow! Let go,” she cried, trying to wrench her arm away but Finn’s face was set.

“What the hell, Rey?” he said after he’d pulled her behind some covered pallets.

Rey glowered and rubbed at her elbow, mostly to avoid looking at his angry expression.  

“Were you going to tell me?” he demanded.

“Er, yes,” she replied, even if it wasn’t exactly the truth.

“We just found you a day ago and now you’re leaving? Where are you going? Why do you have to go?” Finn took a step closer to her, his voice lowering. “Can I go too?”

Rey realized with a pang that he only had half the story. Leia had said that just a few members of the command team would be told of their true mission and evidently the news hadn’t leaked. She was relieved, because even though she didn’t want to lie to Finn she also didn’t want to have another argument. She knew he would be just as incredulous about the mission as Poe after the injuries he’d suffered at Kylo Ren’s own hands, and a lifetime of subjugation by the First Order. Or worse, Rey feared he might never forgive her.

“It’s something for Leia,” she said, choosing her words carefully. “I can’t really talk about it. It’ll be just the two of us going.”

Finn looked crestfallen. “How long will you be gone?”

“Not long, no more than two days.”

He sighed and leaned back against a pallet, appearing lost.

“What is it?” she asked when he said nothing more.

“I don’t know. I suppose I’m wondering what I’m supposed to do now. I don’t have a role here.”

“Surely the officers want to know everything you do about the First Order?”

“Yeah, I can sit in meetings and tell them all that stuff,” he said with a shrug. “But it’s not as if I was a higher-up that actually knew anything. I just did what I was told.”

“It’s still important, Finn. I’m sure it’s appreciated.”

He gave her a weak smile. “I just figured it might be better once you were back. You and Poe are the only ones who even know me. And Rose, I guess. To everyone else I’m just the ex-stormtrooper they’re not sure they can trust.”

“They’ll come around. I know the General wants you here,” Rey said, another half-truth. They had never discussed Finn directly but she felt sure Leia welcomed his inclusion in the Resistance. “Have you talked to Poe about it?”

“He didn’t look like he wanted to talk when I saw him earlier. He’s pissed about something.”

Rey bobbed her head. She hated the way she’d left things with Poe but she didn’t know how to make it better when he was so adamantly opposed to what she and Leia were doing.

“Could you talk to him?” Finn asked hopefully.

She squeezed her eyes shut and took a breath before meeting his gaze once more. “I would, but… I don’t think it would do any good. Not right now. I’m sorry.”

“What am I missing? Did you two have a fight or something?”

“Something like that.”

Finn frowned as he stared at her, his head tilting. “Did something happen… Are you two…”

Rey chewed at her lip. She hadn’t wanted to talk about it but Finn was her friend and it was another secret between them that she didn’t like keeping. She nodded slightly.

“You and Poe?” he asked, his voice a little higher than normal.

She nodded again.

“Oh. Yeah. Okay,” Finn said in a casual if inarticulate way. “Makes sense. Stuck on a remote island together. I mean, it was bound to happen, right?”

“It wasn’t something either of us planned,” she said quickly, feeling somehow wretched for both Finn and Poe, as well as herself.

“Hey, you don’t owe me an explanation. Good luck to you both.” He gave her shoulder an awkward pat. “It’s great. It’s a good thing. You’re together.”

Rey’s throat tightened as she suppressed a wave of sadness. “I guess. I mean we were, we have been. I’m not so sure anymore.”

Finn’s eyes narrowed. “Because you’re going away for a couple of days with the General? What, is he jealous he’s not going?”

“It’s not who I’m going with, it’s where.” Rey looked away. She really didn’t know how to explain to Finn that she was meeting with the man who’d almost killed him. And Poe. As well as herself. Fuck.

“Why? Is it dangerous?”

“No. Maybe. It will be fine,” she said, and forced herself to sound cheerier. “I’ll be back soon and I’ll tell you all about it. I’d like to explain, after. Then we can work out what we’re both going to do.”

Finn didn’t look convinced, but she planted a smile on her face and her hands on his shoulders. It was then she noticed the rough stitching on the front of his jacket and recognized the lightsaber burn. Rey winced and she pulled her fingers away from the repair, knowing the back of the jacket would be even more alarming. She tried to block the memory of Finn lying on the ground on Starkiller Base, when she didn’t know if he was alive or dead.

“Chewie fixed it for me while I was in the medbay,” he explained gently, and Rey wasn’t able to stop tears from forming in her eyes any longer.

“See,” she said, her hand enclosing over his, “there are others who know you belong here. And when I come back we’ll make more plans. We’ll find our place.”

Finn drew her into a hug. “Is this okay?” he asked after a long moment, his chin resting on her shoulder. “I’m not going to have an angry pilot hunt me down, am I?”

Rey tried to laugh but it came out as more of a sob.

 

———

 

Once she had composed herself and they went their separate ways, Rey arrived at the hangar where the crew was prepping the shuttle on Leia’s orders. Rose was the only member of the team to greet her.

“Is it true you’re going on a secret mission with General Organa?” she asked in almost a whisper.

Rey hid a grimace. “I suppose it wouldn’t be very secret if I talked about it.”

“I guess not,” Rose replied with a hint of disappointment, before turning to look at the shuttle. “Well, she’s good to go. She’s pretty old but sturdy.”

“I’m sure it will be fine.” said Rey, looking over the small craft that was only a quarter of the size of the _Falcon_. “I don’t suppose I could take her out, could I? I haven’t flown anything like it before.”

“Sounds like a good idea to me,” came a voice from behind them.

Rey turned to find Karé Kun walking towards her in a flight suit. She had a pilot’s swagger that Rey had seen in Poe and the other members of Black Squadron, one that she found a little intimidating even though Karé had been friendly enough when they’d met in the mess.

“Hi Rey,” she said coolly.

“Hi Karé.”

“I heard you’re taking this old beauty on a mission. I can show you the ropes if you like, I’ve flown these shuttles before.”

While Rey was confident in her piloting skills it didn’t hurt to practice, given the importance of the task she was undertaking, and she accepted Karé’s offer gratefully.

After she ushered Rey inside and put her in the pilot’s seat, Karé provided a brief run down of the shuttle’s features including its limited weaponry. Rey took it all in, any nervousness fading as she familiarized herself with the cockpit console, and she was itching to try it. Karé must have recognized her anticipation and gave her a quick grin as she cleared them with command for take off.

“She’s all yours,” Karé said, leaning back in her seat.

Rey appreciated the confidence that the starfighter captain had in her and eased the shuttle out of the hangar. Karé nodded in acknowledgement of her piloting skills and provided no additional instruction. The small ship flew smoothly, though nowhere near as nimbly as the _Falcon_. As Rey pushed the shuttle into the upper atmosphere of Ahch-To she felt the familiar thrill of flying, regardless. Though she’d had relatively little time in the cockpit compared to other pilots, she immediately felt at home.

“He said you were a natural,” Karé commented as the space outside the shuttle darkened and they moved away from the planet.

Rey’s heart gave a thump and her eyes darted to the older woman beside her before returning to the console. “Did Commander Dameron put you up to this?”

“Commander Dameron likes to know our pilots are all well trained. Especially those flying our General on secret missions.” Karé smiled again, this time a little indulgently it seemed to Rey. “That’s the excuse he gave me, anyway.”

Rey didn’t reply, quietly relieved that Poe cared enough to ensure she was comfortable flying the shuttle, even if she was disappointed that he hadn’t checked himself. She was aware Karé was watching her and kept a neutral expression on her face.

“Don’t worry, I’m not one to pry,” Karé continued. “Whatever’s going on between you and Poe is your business. It’s just… I’ve known him a long time. He’s been a good friend to Tem and me.”

“Tem?”

“Snap. The big oaf who got us all drunk last night. He’s my husband.”

“Oh! I didn’t realize.” Rey fell silent as she thought on this, not having considered that other couples served in the Resistance together. Karé and Snap were both captains in the same squadron, no less.

“Poe’s been there for both of us over the years. So when he asked me to teach you everything I know about flying this bird but won’t tell me the real reason why, I have to wonder. It’s pretty obvious he’s upset that you’re leaving.”

Rey kept her steadfast gaze on the transparisteel in front of her.

“Weapons array,” Karé prompted, after she didn’t respond.

As she fired off a few shots using the laser cannons, Rey found that the targeting was rudimentary but serviceable. Still, she hoped they wouldn’t need it.

“I think I’ve got the hang of this,” Rey said and turned the shuttle back towards Ahch-To, suddenly keen for the trip to be over. She remained quiet for a while but still felt Karé’s eyes on her, so she felt compelled to explain. “I told him I’d be back. But it’s complicated.”

“It usually is with the good ones.” Karé sighed. “And he is one of the good ones, Rey. Watch the re-entry trajectory, it can be a little bumpy.”

The rest of the journey was made in silence as Rey tried to concentrate on flying but was unable to rid her mind of Poe. When she landed the shuttle neatly in the _Raddus_ ’s hangar once more Karé gave her a nod of approval.

“You got this. You’re a good pilot. Maybe one day we’ll see what you can do in an X-wing.”

Rey smile was genuine. “I’d like that. Thank you for your help, Karé. And tell Poe thank you as well.”

“With all due respect, tell him yourself. Talk to him before you leave.” Karé fixed her with a final look, one that reminded Rey whose side the Captain was on.

Rather than feel slighted she was glad of the loyalty that Poe instilled in his team. Because if things turned out differently from the way she hoped, she knew he wouldn’t be alone.

 

———

 

Rey had wanted to talk to Rose about the shuttle some more but Lieutenant Connix was waiting to accompany her back to command where Leia was waiting. The General had assembled a handful of officers and when Rey entered they were mid-discussion. Leia paused and motioned to her to approach the holo console where they were reviewing the schematics of what looked like an underground base. As her eyes traveled over the image she saw Poe looking back at her from across the table. He said nothing as Admiral Holdo ran through their plans to retreat to the base if their position at Ahch-To was compromised for any reason. It seemed highly unlikely to Rey that the First Order had any idea where the Resistance was, but it appeared Holdo was taking no chances.

“Two standard days, General,” Holdo said. “If we don’t hear from you—”

“Then you are to assume we are delayed and we will find you. There will be no heroics to come after us,” Leia said to all assembled but her eyes landed on Poe as she continued. “I know you have misgivings about this mission, all of you. Everything I do is for the Resistance, even saving my son. It may not seem that way, but I ask that you trust me. You have all served with me faithfully, and I need your faith a little longer.”

There were low murmurs of consent, until Poe spoke up.

“Where’s the meeting?” he asked, his stern gaze not leaving Rey.

“I said no heroics, Commander,” Leia replied tiredly.

“I just want to know if the rest of us are in any danger. If the rendezvous with Kylo Ren is anywhere near here and the First Order follows—”

“You know that’s not what’s happening,” Rey spoke up, and all eyes turned to her which made her neck flush red.

“Actually I don’t know,” Poe responded obstinately. “This wasn’t a military decision.”

“No, it was mine, Commander Dameron,” Leia intoned. “If you have anything else to say, say it to me. Any of you. Now’s your chance.”

A few of the officers shared looks of concern but no one offered any objection.

“In that case, the details of this mission are not to leave this room. Everyone will know the outcome soon enough. Admiral Holdo will assume command in my absence.”

“Thank you, General. May the Force be with all of us,” said Holdo, stepping forward to address the group. “Go ahead and return to your posts. We’ll reconvene later.”

Holdo turned to Leia to continue talking in a hushed tone so Rey couldn’t hear. Poe was speaking to another officer but he kept glancing in her direction. She wasn’t sure what to do with herself as most of the group disbanded and Leia was occupied. Finally Poe walked towards her, a frown still creasing his brow, and Rey had nowhere to go.

“I don’t want to fight anymore,” she said, when he stopped next to her but was looking towards to door.

“Neither do I.”

“When I come back I’d like to think we could talk about it then,” Rey continued, wanting to establish some sort of truce. It felt wrong not to touch him, but they weren’t alone and he was still so distant.

“Assuming it all goes to plan, maybe we will.”

She offered him a small smile when his gaze finally returned to her. “If it doesn’t at least I won’t have to hear ‘I told you so.’”

“That isn’t funny,” he said darkly. “You think I want to be right about this?”

“No, I know you don’t.”

“You’re going off to some secret rendezvous point and I’m just supposed to—”

“We’re going to Endor,” she said quietly, cutting him off. She didn’t like second guessing Leia but she wanted to tell him the truth. “That’s where we’re meeting him.”

“Endor?” Poe replied with a deepening frown. “Why?”

“It was the General’s choice.”

He rubbed a hand on his jaw. “It was the beginning of the end for the Empire there.”

“Maybe she’s hoping the same for Kylo Ren.”

“I hope for her sake there’s something left of Ben Solo,” he said grimly. “Otherwise all of this will have been for nothing.”

“It will work, Poe. I know it. Trust me.”

“It’s him I don’t trust, not you.”

Their eyes locked and Rey couldn’t bear it any longer, she needed it to be just the two of them so they could part on better terms. “Can you meet me on the _Falcon_? Or somewhere away from here?”

Poe opened his mouth to respond when Holdo breezed past them.

“Commander Dameron, with me,” she ordered.

He looked at Rey regretfully but followed his commanding officer, leaving her alone once more.

 

———

 

There was only a small group gathered in the hangar when they were ready to leave. Leia was enveloped in Chewbacca’s hairy embrace and patted his arm affectionately, while Rey did her best to remain cheerful as she bid Finn and Rose goodbye. But her eyes were constantly searching for any sign of Poe. He had been locked away with Holdo all afternoon and hadn’t yet re-appeared, though the Admiral was there to receive her final orders from Leia.

Rey worried that his absence was intentional, that he hadn’t wanted to see her again before they left. She had to work hard to keep the anxiousness at bay and her emotions in check. It took every lesson in Jedi control to do that as Leia announced it was time to depart. Rey stood back as the General entered the shuttle first, then with a last look around the hangar that ended with a show of a smile for Finn, she went to followed her.

“Wait!”

Relief washed through Rey as she spied Poe jogging towards the ship with BB-8 in tow. He kept going, mounting the ramp in a few long strides.

“Excuse us, General. We just need a minute,” he said, and grabbed Rey’s hand.

“You have exactly two, Commander,” she called after them, but there was amusement in her tone.

Poe said nothing to the others as he led Rey a short distance away where an X-wing provided them a small amount of privacy.

“Here, take it,” he said, thrusting something into her hand and closing her fist around it.

Rey looked down to find his chain and ring in her palm. She shook her head. “I can’t… Poe, you should keep it.”

“All the dangerous shit I’ve been through and I’ve managed to survive. I like to think it’s good luck or my Mom watching over me. Whatever it is, I want you to be safe. So take it.”

Rey knew how much it meant to him and if things didn’t go their way she didn’t want him to be without it. Especially if he was right and the talisman was helping to keep him safe. She tried to put it back in his hand.

“I don’t want it,” he argued. “If it’s not with you, _on_ you, I don’t want it.”

She wasn’t sure how to respond. Rey touched the silver ring which was still warm from his body heat.

“Shit. This isn’t the way I wanted to do this,” Poe murmured. “None of this is what I thought would happen...least of all you. I never expected you.”

“I’m not sure if that’s a good thing?”

“Right now neither am I. Not when you’re leaving like this. It’s fucking killing me that there’s nothing I can do to stop it.”

“I’ll come back. You’ll see,” she said, her eyes shining. She held up his mother’s ring. “I’ll get this back to you.”

Poe wrapped his arms around her and held on. After a long moment he murmured into her ear, “If we survive this I never want it back. D’you hear me?”

A relieved smile spread across her face even as tears formed, and Rey nodded into his neck. Then her mouth was on his and she poured everything she felt about him into one last kiss. They still had plenty they needed to discuss, if given the opportunity, but she didn’t doubt the way he felt about her. The rest they could sort out later.

When they parted Poe thumbed away the wetness on her cheeks with a gentle caress, then swiped at his own eyes. Rey put the chain over her head and tucked the silver ring under her shirt so it sat against her heart. Neither of them said anything, there were no more promises or declarations. Just a determination that they would see each other again.

Poe kept hold of her hand as they returned to the shuttle, obviously past caring about protocol. Rey glanced fleetingly at Finn who nodded assuredly at her, then she was at the ramp where Leia was waiting.

“I’ll see you soon,” Rey said to Poe, but meaning something else that she didn’t quite have the words for yet.

“I’ll be here,” he said, giving her hand a squeeze before letting go. He nodded to Leia. “Sorry to keep you, General.”

“You’re excused, Commander,” she replied with a quirk of her lips. “Don’t cause too much trouble while I’m gone.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Poe stepped back so the ramp could be retracted, his eyes not leaving Rey’s. His face was the last thing she saw before the shuttle door closed and it was just the two of them. She looked to Leia and they shared a determined smile before moving to the cockpit and beginning what would turn out to be the longest journey of Rey’s life.

 

———

 

Twelve hours later they arrived at the forest moon of Endor. Rey had spent much of the journey in meditation while Leia rested. She wanted to be as centered and in control as possible when they met Kylo Ren, and that meant ridding herself of negative thoughts and emotions. Despite their many conversations it would be the first time seeing him again in the flesh since their violent confrontation on Starkiller Base, and Rey couldn’t help but feel trepidation...especially when Luke’s warning echoed in her mind. She didn’t want to contemplate any other outcome than that of Ben Solo turning from the dark side, and helping the Resistance defeat their enemy. Leia believed it, so Rey focused on that instead.

That, and a future which included Poe. Too often she found herself touching the ring around her neck and turning it over in her fingers, imagining what that would look like.

There was no sign of enemy ships as the pushed through the moon’s upper atmosphere. The shuttle’s scanners did pick up on Ewok settlements that dotted the thick forest terrain, which they avoided. Leia seemed to know exactly where they should go.

“He’s there,” she said from the co-pilot’s seat, and sure enough the scan pinpointed a single ship in a clearing – Kylo Ren’s command shuttle.

“Are you sure about this?” Rey asked as she lowered the shuttle towards it.

Leia was silent for a moment as she concentrated. “He’s alone.”

The scanners confirmed a single human signature but Rey still felt nervous as they touched down, and through the viewport she saw Kylo Ren emerge from his ship. She heard Leia’s breath hitch when she saw him as well.

He had stopped in the space between the two crafts, a small box at his feet, and waited as they exited the shuttle. The General grasped her cane with one hand and Rey’s arm with the other as they walked towards him before stopping a short distance away. He stared stonily at Leia the whole time, not sparing Rey a glance.

“Leia Organa,” he said, his voice clipped.

“Ben.”

“Scavenger,” he said to Rey, and it felt like a rebuke after their Force connection. His steely focus returned to Leia. “You wanted to talk. Here I am. Here, of all places.”

“It seemed appropriate,” Leia replied grimly. “You’ve styled yourself after your grandfather. This is where he was laid to rest.”

“I know, I’ve been here before. No thanks to you. You never quite got over the shame you felt having him for a father, did you? The disappointment.” His lip curled in a sneer before he added cruelly, “I know the feeling.”

“Your father loved you,” Leia said.

“I didn’t come all this way to talk about Han Solo. Clearly there are more important matters to discuss.” He shot Rey a look. “First, your lightsaber.”

Ren motioned to a small crate that was beside him. “It’s Force-damping, in case you had any ideas about fighting me again.”

Rey bit back a dig about which one of them was wearing a scar from their previous encounter, and watched as he withdrew his lightsaber from his belt first. They both put their weapons inside the container and he moved it a few feet away from all three of them before they faced off again.

“We came here to bring an end to this fighting,” Leia stated, and Ren’s gaze was drawn back to her.

“Then surrender.”

“The First Order cannot be allowed to rule. You know that.”

“Was the New Republic any better? How many starved in the Outer Rim while the government on Hosnian Prime ignored them? There’s a reason you left the senate.”

“It was not to kowtow to a tyrannical regime.”

“There have been pointless deaths on both sides,” he pointed out, and Rey was reminded of her argument with Poe about the stormtroopers on Starkiller Base.

“We could end it, together,” Leia persisted. “Renounce the First Order. Don’t let Snoke rule you any longer.”

“Supreme Leader Snoke is—”

“He’s using you. He manipulated you into turning to the dark side. But it’s not too late. You can take back control.”

Kylo Ren walked a few paces away then rounded on Rey.

“I suppose this was your idea.”

Rey shook her head. “Your mother sees in you what I do – conflict, regret...a longing for a different life.”

“You underestimate me.” Ren turned and glared at Leia. “Just like Han Solo did before I killed him.”

Leia’s flinch was imperceptible and she did not respond to the taunt. “I know you blame me for sending you away all those years ago. I only did what I thought was best. I thought Luke could help, but we’d already lost you. I should have seen it sooner.”

“You had your political career,” he said with a hint of petulance. Then his face softened unexpectedly. “People were depending on you.”

“It’s not too late for you, Ben,” Leia said again. “Just as it wasn’t for your grandfather. In the end, he returned to the light, just as you can.”

Leia stepped up to him, cane in hand. Rey remained where she was but held her breath, ready to defend her if needed. The General kept going until she was right in front of her son, and raised her hand not to strike him but to touch his cheek. Rey watched as Ren’s features remained composed but his eyes betrayed him. He stared down at her as Leia continued to stroke his face, touching the scar Rey had given him.

“Your father believed it, too. I know he did.”

“You’re wrong,” Ren said but there was little conviction in his tone.

“I’ve seen it,” Rey said from behind Leia.

Ren jerked his head away and glared at her. “You see what you want to see, not what will come to pass.”

“I felt it too,” Rey said after swallowing hard. As she closed the distance between them, Leia stepped back a few feet so he and Rey were close now. “When your hand touched mine when we were connected by the Force I knew there was good in you. There still is.”

She held out her hand fearlessly, her eyes not leaving his. “I can prove it.”

Ren looked down at her outstretched fingers, then at Leia.

“Let me show you,” Rey whispered.

Ren didn’t move as he battled his own thoughts and emotions. Rey could sense all of it. In the end she stepped up and took hold of his ungloved hand. It was warm and real, and she felt the Force surge between them in an unsettling way. She gulped and realized that he was similarly affected. After looking down at their joined fingers his dark stare was on her again.

Rey saw Ben Solo in his Jedi robes. He was meditating and she recognized where he was – Ahch-To. He was at peace. He was also alone. Rey didn’t see herself by his side this time.

Then she heard the laugh. It started as a low chuckle that caused a clench of fear in her belly. As it grew louder and more menacing she felt an evil presence descend upon them and saw the twisted, scarred face that was causing the sound.

Rey felt a sharp jolt where their hands met and let go with a startled gasp.

“What did you do?” Leia asked.

“I did what I had to do,” Ren retorted. “What you knew I would do.”

A squadron of TIE fighters suddenly roared overhead. Rey’s initial panic was quickly replaced by fury and she reached out her hand for her lightsaber...but she felt nothing. Ren gave her a triumphant smile, and made no move to reach for his weapon either.

“Supreme Leader Snoke has arrived, and awaits us on his ship,” he announced. “You are his honored guests.”

“You don’t have to do this,” replied Leia.

“Surrender, and all of this will be over. Accept the inevitable. There doesn’t have to be more bloodshed – the Resistance is all but eliminated. Tell your allies to accept the First Order’s rule and you will be left alone. I’ll see to it.” Kylo Ren turned to Rey. “And you… The Supreme Leader sees great promise in you. I told you before you need a teacher, and the offer still stands. I will show you everything you want to know. You will understand, as I do, how to embrace the true power of the Force.”

Without her lightsaber, Rey was unsure how to attack him but instinctively her arm shot out towards him and he was knocked back like she had struck a blow. Ren was quickly on his feet, his pose now mirroring hers as he fought back and she was immediately frozen. Just as he had done on Takodana, he held her in place with the Force and she was powerless to fight it though she tried with everything she had. Rey realized she didn’t know how to break through because she lacked the very knowledge that he was promising to teach her.

“Ben, let her go!” Leia pleaded, but he ignored her as he walked towards Rey slowly.

Her breaths were coming in short, painful gasps as he loomed over her. Then with barely a twist of his fingers she was lifted off the ground so their faces were the same height. Ren lent in close to her, his mouth at her ear.

“Don’t make me destroy you,” he murmured. “I don’t want to control you… We could be equals. More powerful than you could ever imagine.”

She felt revulsion flow through her, second only to the fear that tightened her chest when Ren ran the back of his fingers down her cheek and she saw it...everything he had described. It was their shared future, dark but enticing. It wasn’t just power, she felt invincible...and it was intoxicating. Kylo Ren was by her side, and she could see herself reflected in his black eyes.

When Rey was finally able to push the vision out of her mind it left her feeling more uncertain about herself than she ever had. Ren’s hand dropped and so did she, falling heavily to her knees where she heaved out a sob and began shaking all over. Leia moved as quickly as she was able and helped her to her feet, putting a protective arm around her as she stared impassively at her son.

Soon stormtroopers marched towards them, and the lead guard presented wrist cuffs which he proceeded to fasten around Leia’s hands then Rey’s. They were Force-damping too, though Rey was too rattled to try anything even if they were not. Ren led the way as they were escorted onto his shuttle and placed in a small crew hold where the stormtroopers remained to guard them. Leia clutched Rey’s hands to comfort her but they were both fearful of what was to come. Ren had taken her before but she’d been unconscious until she woke in an interrogation chamber. This time Rey was fully aware of where she was being taken.

In orbit above Endor was a ship the size of a city. Kylo Ren’s shuttle was soon swallowed by its cavernous hangar, and Rey felt the darkness descend upon them all.


	7. Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ultimate sacrifice is made, to ensure a future for those who remain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: If you’ve read this far you know not everyone is going to make it out of this alive. 
> 
> And the chapter count just increased, because I may be cruel but I’m not *that* cruel.

The journey in the shuttle was swift, though Rey was barely aware of her surroundings. She could not rid herself of Kylo Ren’s vision of her future – one where she turned to the dark side. It had grown to be her greatest fear, that she would lose herself completely and never be able to find her way back to the light. That she would forsake everyone she cared about for an all-consuming power he’d share with her... and she would be lost forever. 

It was Leia who reached her, a gentle nudge in her mind that brought Rey back to her senses. Her shackled hands reached for Rey’s and grasped her fingers.

“Everything will be alright,” Leia said calmly. “You’ll see.”

“Quiet, rebel scum,” the lead stormtrooper ordered.

Leia ignored him and smiled assuredly at her. Rey didn’t see how it was possible, not when Kylo Ren had betrayed them and given them up to Snoke. And she hadn’t seen it coming. Rey had convinced herself that Ben Solo could be saved, despite the vehemence with which Luke and Poe disagreed with her. She had wanted it be true so much that she’d been blind to his duplicity. And now they were being delivered to an unknown fate at the hands of the Supreme Leader of the First Order, all because she’d wanted to believe it was possible to be saved from the dark side.

Rey was flooded with dread when they were pushed out of the shuttle into an expansive hangar that bustled with activity. Stormtroopers marched in groups by the dozen, uniformed officers barked orders, and the occasional black and grey droid not unlike BB-8 moved between the banks of docked TIE fighters. She took it all in without a word.

Beside her she felt a renewed strength from Leia – her cane was gone and her steps were determined as they were marched down a corridor surrounded by guards, with Kylo Ren’s ominous presence behind them. They came to a turbo lift and the guards did not follow. Ren stepped inside, towering over both women as they faced him, but only Leia was able to meet his gaze. Rey stared at her feet, weak and full of despair as the lift began to move.

“It’s still not too late, son,” Leia said, her voice warm and gentle.

“It was too late the moment you sent me away,” he replied quietly. “You lost your son that day.”

“My son is right here,” she insisted and reached out with her cuffed hands but Ren took a step back.

“I’m sorry...Mother.” He said the word awkwardly, and when Rey looked up at him he had pressed his lips together as if to prevent himself from saying more to her. His attention turned to Rey. “Don’t bother trying to fight in there. It won’t end well for you if you do.”

He stood back as the doors opened into a huge room draped in red. Ren positioned himself behind them so they had to move out of the lift. Towards the back of the cavernous space was platform and what could only be described as a throne. On it sat a grotesque figure in gold robes, his bald head misshapen and face lopsided and disfigured by scars. Rey recognized him from her vision, causing intense fear to course through her veins.

He began laughing, a low chuckle as they stepped forward, and Rey noticed the red-cloaked guards that lined the room, their faces hidden behind masks and each holding a deadly weapon. Ren hadn’t lied about not fighting.

“Welcome, welcome,” Snoke called from the dais, and he clapped his claw-like hands together. His growling voice was like one from Rey’s nightmares, sinister and threatening. “Princess Leia and young Rey... Well done, my good and faithful apprentice! My faith in you is restored.”

Rey looked over her shoulder and was further sickened to find Kylo Ren was kneeling out of respect for the creature in front of them. Disgust managed to quell her fear, and her stare hardened when it returned to Snoke. His fingers twitched slightly and the cuffs that bound their wrists unlocked and clattered to the floor.

“The very best of the Resistance,” the Supreme Leader said, his words dripping with sarcasm as he addressed them. “And the very last of it, too. How pathetic.”

“We managed to destroy your planet-sized weapon,” Rey bit back, unable to contain her anger.

“Yes, you did,” Snoke replied slowly. “A minor setback, for which you and your rebel friends will pay dearly.”

“You will not succeed against the Resistance,” Leia stated serenely. She radiated calm, and Rey tried to absorb as much of it as she could until she felt her own temper fading.

“Your presence here suggests otherwise,” Snoke replied.

“I am not the Resistance. Our number is too great to count, spread across the galaxy—”

“Your number are huddled in a handful of ships that fled from D’Qar,” he snarled. “Your so-called allies have abandoned you. And those that don’t will be destroyed by the First Order at the first sign of disloyalty to my rule.”

Leia smiled indulgently at him. “You sound like Emperor Palpatine. All arrogance and assumption – right up until the moment my father killed him.”

“Oh yes, your father.” Snoke started laughing derisively again. “A Sith Lord, who turned out to be a great disappointment. I suppose you think your son will betray me the way Vader did the Emperor?”

“My son no longer serves you.”

“And yet here you stand, _Princess_.” The Supreme Leader spat the last word like an insult, his pale, beady eyes glowing.

“Not for long.” Leia’s chin jutted out victoriously.

“Yes,” Snoke said, long and drawn out. “Perhaps you are right about that.”

Rey heard a small sound escape Leia’s lips but she said nothing else, a frown appearing on her brow. Behind them Kylo Ren got to his feet just as Snoke did, stepping down from his chair and walking towards them slowly. Leia didn’t move but the color began to drain from her face as she pressed a hand to her heart, and Rey began to panic. Then without warning, Rey was slammed to her knees, frozen once more in place. It was Snoke this time, not Ren, who held out a gnarled hand to keep her there even as his gaze did not falter from Leia’s face which was now contorted in pain. Rey heard her trying to take in air with short, shallow breaths, and she clutched her chest.

“Heartache is a terrible thing, is it not?” opined Snoke as he neared the General. “And to lose everything...your son, your husband, your planet. Such a tragic life for a little princess. Now you’ve lost your rebel band of traitors. And finally...your _life._ ”

Rey cried out but Snoke didn’t spare her a glance. His yellowed teeth were bared as he raised his other hand and tightened his unnaturally long fingers into a fist. To Rey’s horror, Leia’s eyes widened in shock and her face went completely white. One last gasp escaped her lips then there was silence. Snoke gave a smirk and with a flick of his hand Leia crumpled to the ground and was still. He turned and walked away and Rey found herself released from his vice-like hold. She immediately scrambled to Leia’s side.

“No!” she screamed, clutching the General’s face and desperately looking for any sign of life. “Leia!”

She knew it was hopeless. Even as she pressed her ear to Leia’s chest and listened for a heart beat, Rey knew there wouldn’t be one. Her trembling fingers tightened around Leia’s clothing as she held her closer, tears streaming down her flushed cheeks.

It was nearly a full minute until she was able to straighten up and look back at Kylo Ren, whose eyes were brimming as he looked down at his mother but his features were cold and set. He swallowed hard, his teeth clenched behind closed, red lips, and his gaze returned to Snoke at the front of the room.

Rey snapped. She spied both lightsabers attached to Ren’s belt – in the blink of an eye she reached for hers and it was in her hand, its blade ignited. She whirled around to go after Snoke but just as quickly the saber was gone and Rey pitched chest first and smashed onto the hard floor. Her lungs emptied and she couldn’t catch her breath for several terrifying seconds. She lifted her bruised chin, tasting blood, and saw Snoke turning the lightsaber over in his hand before he placed it next to him.

“I’m afraid you’ll have to do better than that, child,” he said condescendingly.

Rey looked back to Kylo Ren who had not moved from his spot but he was holding the hilt of his lightsaber, ready to defend himself if she had succeeded. She let out an anguished cry and managed to surprise him with the speed with which she used the Force to snatch his weapon this time. But once again it was barely in her hand before it was gone again, effortlessly called to Snoke’s fingers. The Supreme Leader looked disapprovingly at Ren and shook his head.

“Bested by a scrap of a girl, not once but twice,” he mocked. “That scar should be enough of a shameful reminder of your failure when you _allow yourself to be distracted!_ ”

Snoke roared the last part, leaning forward in his chair, and his words echoed around the chamber.

“Enough of these games,” he went on, speaking in a more neutral tone to Rey. “You will reveal the location of Luke Skywalker. Once he has been despatched and you have submitted to me, you will complete your training at my side. If the Master of the Knights of Ren has suitably recovered, he may join us.”

“I am your loyal apprentice, Supreme Leader,” said Kylo Ren, and got down on one knee again, his head bowed in submission.

“We will see.” Snoke released Ren’s lightsaber and directed it back to his grasp.

Rey was still breathing hard, mounting all of her energy. “I will _never_ join you! Luke Skywalker will destroy you for what you’ve done.”

Snoke sighed dramatically. “Must we go through this pretence?”

His eyes narrowed as he raised his hand again and Rey was lifted from the ground. He pulled her towards him until her face was just centimeters from Snoke’s. His putrid breath and horrific features were revolting but she wasn’t able to turn away.

“You will tell me what I want to know.” Snoke’s hand curled around the side of her face. “You cannot hide from me.”

“No,” Rey ground out through her clenched jaw.

Snoke scowled and she found herself flung back to her previous position near Ren, still suspended mid-air. Rey reached out with the Force to try and break his hold on her but it had no effect. Snoke raised her two meters off the ground, tilting her onto her back to further disorient her. Darkness enclosed around her and she was gripped with terror.

“Give...me...everything!” Snoke commanded and she felt icy tendrils invading her mind.

Rey couldn’t stop the whimpered denials escaping her lips while the pressure in her head increased as if he was squeezing the information out of her brain. Rey fought with everything she had – all the lessons Luke had taught her, every happy memory of Poe, the hope she had for the future – she blocked him for as long as she could. Then she felt it, like a red hot poker piercing her defences. The pain was unlike anything she’d felt before. Rey heard a blood curdling scream, only to realize it was coming from her mouth. Then she was numb as Snoke cracked open her mind and took what he wanted – the location of Ahch-To and Luke Skywalker. And, because he could see all of it, he learned where the remaining members of the Resistance were, too.

She fell to the floor when he released her, and she rolled onto her stomach certain she would be violently sick. Rey remained there with her cheek pressed to the cold surface as she tried to recover from the violation of her mind, and her exposure of Luke and the Resistance. She had failed them, put them all in mortal danger. Snoke wouldn’t stop until he killed every last one of them. Rey pushed herself up slightly on shaking arms and Poe’s ring slipped out of her shirt and clinked against the floor. She grasped it in with one hand as she raised herself up to her knees with the other.

She found herself eye to eye with Kylo Ren. They stared at each other, black eyes and hazel, as unspoken words passed between them.

“No,” Rey said again, addressing Snoke but not looking away from Ren. “You underestimate Luke Skywalker. And Ben Solo. And me.”

She got to her feet and turned around slowly to face Snoke. He laughed in response to her obstinance.

“Such spunk! But you cannot save your precious Skywalker now, or your friends in the Resistance. I have seen it all. We will go to his planet and obliterate the entire island. There will never be another Jedi.”

“You’re wrong,” Rey said, planting her feet determinedly. She felt Ren stand behind her.

Snoke continued to chuckle. “What is this? You think my worthy apprentice will betray me…for you? That I don’t know of your _special connection_?” Snoke leaned towards them both menacingly. “Who do you think joined your minds, so you found each other? Who stoked his doubt, and made you believe he could be saved? Foolish girl.”

Rey continued to hold his gaze as all fear was stripped away. Her back straightened and she held her head high.

“So be it,” Snoke said dismissively. “If you will not join us, you will die.”

He nodded to Ren and she heard his lightsaber ignite behind her.

“I don’t what you saw in her,” Snoke said with a disdainful wave of his clawed hand.

“Inspiration,” Kylo Ren replied simply.

The Supreme Leader’s head snapped up to look at him, then slowly down again at the blue lightsaber blade that pierced his side, cutting straight through his abdomen. His mouth gaped in astonishment, then Snoke’s head fell forward on his slack neck. Ren was now beside her, his hand controlling her saber. There was swift movement on either side of the room as the red-cloaked guards came to life and positioned themselves to attack. Ren tightened the grip on his lightsaber and Rey thrust her hand out for her own. It sliced through Snoke’s body, causing the pieces to topple onto the floor in a comical fashion, but she barely noticed – she grasped her weapon with both hands as the guards advanced menacingly.

 

———

 

They fought together wordlessly, intuitively, powerfully. Every movement of one body in tune with the other. Snoke’s guards were fierce warriors. But Rey and Kylo Ren were better, communicating through the Force with an ease that would frighten her later. The battle was intense and they both sustained injuries but ultimately they prevailed. Snoke’s throne room, on the other hand, was destroyed – its blood-red drapery burned and bodies littering the floor, including Leia’s.

Rey kept hold of her unlit lightsaber as she returned to Leia’s side. Fresh tears fell as she smoothed the General’s hair from her forehead. Her face was peaceful but it brought Rey no comfort. Ren slumped to his knees opposite her, Leia lying between them.

“It’s over,” he mumbled, his voice thick with emotion.

“We need to go,” Rey said insistently. “We need to get off this ship.”

“There is no getting off this ship,” he replied, defeated.

“I refuse to believe that. Ben, we need to go!” She stared at him intently, not seeing Kylo Ren but Ben Solo before her.

“Or we could stay. Here, together. Rule together,” he said in the same hypnotic way he’d spoken to her on Ahch-To. “No Snoke, or Skywalker. No Sith, or Jedi. You and me. Just like I saw.”

Rey shook her head. “No. Don’t do this, Ben. You killed Snoke because he murdered your mother. You turned away from the dark—”

“It’s not so easy,” he murmured. “I also killed my father. The younglings. So many others.”

“Turn from the dark side. Embrace the light,” she persisted. “I’ll help you. I promised Leia I would.”

“It’s too late for me.”

“No! She didn’t believe that, and nor do I. You have to help us now. The Resistance needs you. I need you!”

He looked deep into her eyes, searching for something she hoped he found.

“Your mother never stopped believing there is good in you, Ben Solo. Prove she was right.”

He took in a shuddering breath and looked down at the woman who’d given him life, not saying anything until Rey’s anxiety was about to peak. She knew they couldn’t hide what had happened for long, not when fire still burned in the room. She grasped his arm to make him meet her gaze.

“Help me!”

“Snoke’s private passage to the hangar,” he said, barely audibly. “We could make it to my shuttle.”

Rey nodded encouragingly and jumped to her feet. Ben was slower to rise, and when he did Leia’s body was in his arms. Rey’s chest tightened and she nodded again in acknowledgement. Leia would be coming home to the Resistance with them.

 

———

 

The passage to the hangar was a shorter, more direct route than they’d taken when they arrived on Snoke’s ship, and soon they were stood in its doorway overlooking the shuttle that had brought them on board. It was being worked on by a ground crew and stormtroopers were passing by with frustrating regularity.

“How do we do this?” Rey whispered.

“Walk quickly but don’t rush. Keep your eyes straight ahead. And follow me.”

Before she had a chance to say anything Ben walked out into the open hangar carrying the cloaked bundle that was his mother’s body. Rey swore under her breath and followed him. It took a few moments for her to realize that no one was looking their way, as if they weren’t there, and she got it. Rey projected her own Jedi mind trick, just to be on the safe side.

They arrived on board and she almost crashed into a maintenance worker.

“Hey!” he started in alarm. “Who are you?”

“You will leave this shuttle and clear it for take off,” she said calmly and evenly, her gaze not wavering from his.

“I will leave this shuttle and clear it for take off,” the worker intoned dully.

She went immediately to the cockpit and tried to work out how to fly it, then Ben was there and tapping quickly on the console. It looked like they would get away with it when the hangar alarms started blaring and a voice came over the comm ordering them to power down the shuttle. He flicked a button to cut them off and settled into the pilot’s seat.

“Can you fire a laser cannon?” he asked as the shuttle rose from its mooring and glided towards the hangar exit.

“Of course,” she snapped in reply.

“Now would be a good time.”

Rey didn’t hesitate further. She grasped the controls, powered up, and as soon as they were weapons hot she sprayed the hangar with a spread of cannon fire. She didn’t bother to aim too carefully, hitting walls, the floor and other fighters with each pass.

“Punch it!” she yelled. They had lost the element of surprise and TIE fighters began to scramble as they flew out of the hangar.

“I can’t jump to lightspeed, we need to get clear of the shields,” Ben replied through gritted teeth.

Rey kept firing as he pushed the engines hard. The shuttle’s shields was being pummelled by return fire now, but held together. Ben had one hand on the controls and the other was entering in details into the navicomputer. Then the ship lurched in response to a heavy cannon blast from Snoke’s ship not the smaller fighters – a direct hit.

“We can’t take many more of those. Hurry, Ben!”

“Almost there,” he muttered before they were both slammed into the console from another blast.

“Where are you taking us?” she yelled.

“Away from here!” He slammed his hand onto the hyperdrive throttle and they lurched to lightspeed.

The light outside was dizzying as Rey tried to catch her breath. She slumped back into her seat and pressed her eyes closed as if somehow it could erase the events of the past hour. Or better still, the past few days.

They did not remain in hyperspace for long. The shuttle streaked to a stop in normal space, and Rey checked their surroundings for any sign of other ships. There were none. She was still untrusting, and was about to bombard him with questions when Ben abruptly left the cockpit. Rey went after him to the crew hold where he’d placed Leia’s body on some seating, and was now kneeling beside it.

“Are you sure this shuttle can’t be tracked?” she demanded, avoiding looking over his shoulder at the General’s pale, still features.

“I’m sure,” he murmured in response.

“If you’re lying to me…”

“I’m not.”

“Show me,” Rey insisted, still rattled from having Snoke inside her head.

With a sigh he stood up and turned to face her. She looked at him properly for the first time. His hair was matted with sweat. Like her, he had burns and cuts from the guards’ weapons. But whatever pain he was feeling in his body was outweighed by emotion, which she felt the full brunt of when she held out both hands to him and he pressed his palms to them.

Rey was overwhelmed by the loss and devastation he was experiencing, compounded by deep-seated guilt. He held her gaze steadily, opening his mind to her completely and she felt all of it, everything but deceit. She had to pull her hands away before his grief undid her.

“Why did you do it?” she whispered. “How could you betray her like that?”

Ben said nothing for a long moment. “There was no other way—”

“There was always another choice! You fucking made it! Why did she have to die?” Rey’s voice hitched in her throat as she tried in vain to stop herself from breaking down.

“I—, I didn’t think he’d kill her,” he admitted weakly. “That wasn’t the plan.”

“What was the plan?” she demanded to know, her anger increasing.

“She was supposed to surrender…”

“And me?”

“You were supposed to choose to stay.”

“I told you that wasn’t what I wanted,” she bit back.

“I’ve never felt any connection with anyone like I do with you. You saw the light in me when no one—”

“I wasn’t the only one. She did too.” Rey pointed at Leia’s body, making him look at her again.

“How could she forgive me after what I did? I never thought she could still love me.”

“She did, even after you betrayed her to Snoke. I don’t know how, either. Because I don’t,” Rey said firmly after she’d wiped away her tears. “I don’t forgive you. I don’t love you.”

His face remained blank, not revealing any emotion. “I understand.”

“The only thing you can do now, the only hope you have to begin to redeem yourself, is to help the Resistance defeat the First Order. If they let you live that long.”

“The information in the shuttle’s databanks is yours to give them. It holds the locations of all the First Order’s bases and resources. Even the ones Hux doesn’t know about. Its weapons. The fleet. It’s all in there. Take it.”

“That still may not be enough.”

“I’m prepared for whatever punishment awaits. I’m not afraid to die.” He looked down at Leia. “Not now.”

Rey let out a breath. “Then I’ll get us underway.”

“Where are we going?”

“I’m taking you to your uncle.”

She was surprised to see fear finally reveal itself in his eyes. But Rey refused to feel any sympathy for him, and returned to the cockpit to lay in a course for Ahch-To. She would take a circuitous route, just in case, stopping frequently to check for any sign of the First Order following.

Rey knew he was right to be afraid of Luke’s reaction, because she was as well. She was scared how all of them would react, Poe included. He had given her his mother’s ring, his most prized possession, because he cared for her. She just didn’t know if he would feel the same way now, after she’d ignored his warnings. After she’d failed the General.

Leia was dead. Ben Solo was alive. Rey was returning to the Resistance with their enemy, but without their beloved leader. And she blamed herself for all of it.

 


	8. Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey experiences a series of goodbyes.

As soon as they dropped out of lightspeed for the final time on the approach to Ahch-To, Rey began broadcasting the Resistance code that Leia had given her. Still, once they broke atmo she wasn’t surprised to see X-wings speed towards the shuttle in formation, the starfighters’ S-foils in attack position. The comm crackled to life.

“This is Commander Poe Dameron of the Resistance. Confirm your identity.”

“This is Commander Rey of the Resistance,” she replied, her chest tightening at the sound of his familiar voice. “Hello Poe.”

There was a short pause before he responded warily, “What’s your status?”

“Safe and sound, Commander. I have two passengers on board.” She winced at the lie, but she couldn’t announce Leia’s death over a comlink. There was an even longer delay before he spoke again.

“Black squadron will accompany you to the _Raddus_ , stay on course—”

“We need to go to the island to see Luke.”

“Negative, Commander. You are instructed to transport your prisoner—”

“Poe, we’re going directly to the island.”

“Damn it, Rey.”

“Sorry, sweetheart,” she said quietly, ignoring the fact that the rest of his squadron and maybe even the _Raddus_ command was listening in. Or that Ben Solo was sitting beside her.

She switched off the comm as he maneuvered the shuttle towards the island. Rey could only imagine Poe’s reaction and the cursing that would be going on as the X-wings closed up around the shuttle but did not interfere with their trajectory.

For his part, Ben said nothing about the interaction. They’d barely spoken to each other on the journey back to the Resistance, for different reasons as well as the shared fear of what was to come when they landed. They had alternated sitting with Leia and the cockpit, rarely sharing a space as each was consumed with their own thoughts. She didn’t know about Ben, but Rey was in physical pain, too. The cut on her shoulder burned with every movement and the bruises to her face and jaw were too tender to touch. Her whole body ached, and though she knew a little about Force healing thanks to Luke, she made no attempt to lessen it. Each throb, twinge and stab of pain was retribution for her part in Leia’s death. And she wanted more of it, in the hope it would somehow lessen the devastation that was to come when the only people who’d ever cared about her learned what had happened.

They landed in the same clearing that Leia’s transport had used when the Resistance arrived at Ahch-To. One of the X-wings set down next to the shuttle while the rest broke off and returned to the _Raddus_. After Ben powered down the engines neither of them moved from the cockpit straight away. From the viewport Rey saw that Luke was already there waiting in the clearing, though she hadn’t even tried reaching out to him with the Force. And she doubted Ben had either.

“Are you ready?” she asked him, her steady voice belying her trepidation.

Ben nodded and exited the cockpit in order to gather up his mother’s body. He carried her down the extended ramp before Rey could lead the way, leaving her to follow and watch Luke’s reaction upon seeing his twin sister, as well as his nephew for the first time in years. His face was expressionless at first, then as Ben approached he sank down onto his knees and waited until Leia was set down carefully on the ground in front of him. Ben also kneeled, lowering his head as if waiting for a fatal blow.

Luke looked at his nephew, his eyes blazing as he struggled to control himself. When he did reach out his non-mechanical hand Rey’s breath hitched, but Luke merely clamped his fingers around Ben’s shoulder and held on as both men looked down between them.

“What—?” Rey heard a gasp behind her and turned to see Poe there with BB-8, staring beyond her to Leia. He was in his uniform minus his jacket, not a flight suit, in his haste to jump into the X-wing. “Is she…?”

His eyes were wide with shock as his imploring gaze met hers. She immediately felt any last resolve crumble and she was overcome with need for comfort from him, and only him. Rey couldn’t stop the tears from streaming down her face as Poe moved quickly towards her and scooped her into his arms. He hugged her so tightly it was hard to breathe but she didn’t care. The injury on her shoulder screamed painfully but she didn’t let go. She held onto Poe and wept.

“I couldn’t stop it,” she gasped out. “It was Snoke. I couldn’t do anything.”

Poe swore and let go so he was able to look her over. His eyes darkened at the gaping wound on her arm, and the mottled bruising to her left temple which he barely touched with gentle fingers.

“Did you fight him?”

Rey shook her head. “Ben killed him. Then we fought the guards to get away.”

Poe looked over to Ben who had turned to watch them. He stood up slowly so Poe was able to see Leia’s body and Luke beside it. Poe’s hand was on his blaster, deep creases between his eyebrows. His breathing was ragged and Rey closed her eyes, waiting for him to fire. She wouldn’t blame him. Instead she felt Poe’s arm around her as he held her again, and she began crying anew.

“It’s my fault,” she whispered, gripping his shirt.

“Shhh,” Poe replied and cradled the back of her head with one hand even as his eyes didn’t leave Ben.

She could feel the turmoil within him – a mix of rage and fear, and a burning need for vengeance. The darkness made her want to recoil because it spoke to her inner desire as well, one that she had worked hard to control since Snoke had crushed Leia’s heart as it beat in her chest.

Luke stood then and Rey felt a different ripple through the Force, one that she didn’t expect. There was no anger, no sadness. She turned her face to him where she stood pressed against Poe, projecting back a muddle of apology and need for penance. Luke’s eyes met hers and he shook his head slightly.

“She knew what she was doing.” Rey heard his voice even though his mouth didn’t move. “It was her sacrifice to make and she did it willingly.”

Poe gasped and she pulled back to look at him. He was staring at Luke, his scowl fading. He could hear the Jedi Master as well.

“It was the only way she knew to save her son,” Luke finished.

There was movement above them and all four looked up into the waning light to see the transport from the _Raddus_ approaching the island. Poe stepped away from her then, which caused a different ache.

As soon as it landed, Admiral Holdo stepped off the transported followed by half a dozen armed guards. The security detail took up position, their weapons aimed at Ben.

“This isn’t the way, Amilyn,” Luke said, moving to stand in front of his nephew.

The Admiral’s large blue eyes were fixed on Leia’s body before they returned to her target. “I am taking him into custody for war crimes. The New Republic government may have been destroyed but there will still be justice for what Kylo Ren and the First Order did.”

“No. Kylo Ren is dead.”

She let out an angry breath. “He can’t get away with it!”

“I will take responsibility for him. You know as well as I do that’s what Leia wanted.”

“Talking about it is one thing, but now she’s gone and he’s here and he needs to pay—”

Luke raised his hand to silence her, without use of the Force.

“Then at least let us take her body back to the _Raddus_ ,” Holdo argued.

Luke shook his head. “Leia will remain here, and be put to rest on the island.”

“She’s the leader of the Resistance!”

“She’s a Skywalker.”

As if on cue, Rey saw a group of the Lanai Caretakers approaching with a crude cart constructed from bones. Their white cloaks flapped in the cold wind that whipped up as they surrounded Leia’s body. Ben bent to assist but one of the Caretakers took his hand to stop him while the others lifted her into the cart.

“Where are they taking her?” Holdo demanded.

“To prepare her body the Jedi way. There is a ritual to be followed. Tomorrow at sunset – you can return with anyone who wishes to share in her farewell. Now it is time for you all to leave.”

Any further argument that Admiral Holdo had was silenced when Luke gave her a piercing look.

“Rey,” Luke called out, and she reluctantly stepped forward to speak with him out of earshot of the others. “I know this has been hard on you.”

“She wasn’t supposed to die,” she whispered, barely able to make a sound.

“There was no talking her out of it. Believe me, I tried.”

“What happens to Ben now?”

“Much of that is up to him. He has much to atone for, and so do I. You’re welcome to stay here with us tonight.”

Rey shook her head quickly.

“As you wish.” Luke turned to go.

“Wait, take this.” Rey held out Kylo Ren’s lightsaber that Ben had given her on board the shuttle. Luke eyed it carefully before taking the weapon. “You should probably take mine, too. In case you need it.”

“That lightsaber belongs with you. I have no need of it.” He looked back at Ben who was being led away by the Caretakers along with Leia’s body. Luke met her gaze again. “You were right about him.”

Rey felt little comfort in that knowledge as Luke turned away to join the small procession. She looked around for Poe where he now stood talking intently with Admiral Holdo.

“How do we know this isn’t a trap, and the First Order won’t track Ren’s ship here?” she argued as Rey approached.

“They won’t. Snoke is dead, thanks to Ben,” she said.

“All the more reason they’d what to find him.”

“The shuttle wasn’t followed. I made sure of it.”

Holdo looked as if that gave her no reassurance, and Rey recalled that the Admiral had always seemed suspicious of her.

“The databanks on board are full of First Order intelligence. Ben brought it to the Resistance,” Rey went on. “We need to get it analyzed.”

Poe spoke up. “We have an opportunity here, Admiral. With Kylo Ren gone their leadership will be in disarray.”

“Fine. Can you fly this thing to the _Raddus_?” Holdo asked Poe.

“If I can’t I’m sure Rey can,” he replied. “BB-8 can return in the X-wing.”

Holdo sized Rey up again, as if deciding if she could trust her. The answer was still unclear when she addressed only Poe again. “I’ll leave it to you, Commander. There will be a team waiting.”

With that, Holdo swept back onto the transport with the Resistance guards, leaving Poe, Rey and BB-8 in the clearing. He immediately knelt before the droid to give him instructions and BB-8 zipped back to the X-wing.

“Let’s go,” he said after the transport had taken off, motioning her towards the shuttle. “Are you okay to fly this?”

“Yes.”

Poe deferred to her to pilot and they said nothing during the short journey. She was at a loss how to talk to him and he didn’t even try with her. Rey descended further into misery as they approached the _Raddus_ ’s hangar. There was a group of spectators waiting when she eased the shuttle inside, causing her stomach to clench.

“Do they know?” she asked quietly.

“Looks like it. Word travels fast on a ship like this,” he said.

Rey powered down the engines the way she’d seen Ben do it. Poe was already out of his chair but she didn’t move.

“Come on. We need to get you to the medbay, you’re injured,” he stated, backtracking when she hadn’t followed.

Rey shook her head. “I can’t… Don’t make me go there. I can’t be around all those people.”

Poe looked like he was going to argue with her. She wrapped her arms protectively around her middle, her eyes downcast.

“We can’t stay here. They need to start downloading the data.”

“Please,” she said, not caring if she sounded pitiful. “I just want to go to the _Falcon_.”

He let out a sigh in apparent frustration but didn’t contradict her. He held out his hand and she took it quickly. She didn’t let go, staying close to his side as they crossed the hangar to the ship she thought of as home. Rey knew Finn was in the crowd and she’d spied Chewie’s large form at the back, but she couldn’t talk to either of them, not yet. She didn’t start breathing again properly until Poe secured the _Falcon_ ’s ramp behind them. He looked at her for a long moment.

“Let’s get you cleaned up.”

He led her to the refresher and carefully removed her stained clothes. With each layer he uncovered more marks and he hissed when he saw the full extent of her bruises. Rey tried to cover herself, still in her underwear with his chain and ring around her neck, and began to shake. She couldn’t look at him, shame flooding through her.

“It’s alright, you’re safe now,” he said softly, and she was relieved when he held her once more.

She wasn’t able to articulate everything she was feeling, Rey wasn’t sure she ever could. But she knew she felt better with his arms around her. Poe seemed to catch on and he shrugged out of his uniform so he could get into the ‘fresher with her. They stood under the hot water together, his grief palpable as he allowed himself to let go as well. They held onto each other, mourning their loss, until Rey stopped shivering and he recovered enough to begin washing away the sweat and grime that covered her. She let him, sapped of almost all energy. It was hitting her all at once and Rey had never felt so helpless. She was glad only Poe was witness to her vulnerability.

After a long shower he wrapped her in a towel, another around his waist, and they retreated to their bunk. Poe sat her down on the bed and told her he’d be back. Rey found herself counting the seconds until he returned with clothes and a medkit.

“First things first,” he said, kneeling before her and opening the medical supplies.

He started with her shoulder, applying a bacta patch to the cut that was deeper than he first thought, but she still refused to see the doctor. Next he applied gel to her cuts and the bruises on her knees and face. His fingers were on her jaw as he lifted her head to rub it into her chin. Rey liked to think it was his touch as much as the bacta that was making the pain lessen, and she didn’t want him to stop. When she was patched up to Poe’s satisfaction he helped her into his sleepshirt and pants, the ones she usually wore.

“Are you hungry? I can get something from the mess.”

“No.” Rey couldn’t remember the last time she’d eaten and didn’t want to think about food. Not when she was so tired and emotionally wrought.

“Okay then.”

He eased her back onto the bed and under the covers. When he went to leave the crew hold again the panic must have been evident on her face. “I’m not going anywhere,” Poe said.

He was gone for longer than she would have liked, no doubt checking to see if the Admiral needed him. He was dressed in his uniform pants and shirt once more but barefoot, and she was thankful when he climbed into the bunk. He scooted over her so she could lie in his arms on her good side. Rey burrowed as close as she could to him, her head nestled under his chin.

She knew they needed to talk but Rey could no longer keep her eyes open. As she listened to him breathing and felt the familiar and comforting rise and fall of his chest, her mind finally quieted and she was asleep within minutes.

———

Rey woke to beeping at the door and vaguely recognized that it was BB-8. Poe stirred beside her and got up to converse briefly with the droid.

“It’s early. Go back to sleep,” he said quietly and tucked the blanket around her before padding back to the door.

She wanted to get up too but her body wouldn’t cooperate and her eyelids were still heavy. She heard the door close behind him and then sleep took her once more.

Sometime later she woke with a start. She had been dreaming of the cold, dark cave under the island. Leia was in the water and she tried desperately to save her. It took a moment for Rey to realize it wasn’t the first time she’d experienced that nightmare. Her cheeks were wet as she sat up and tried to regulate her breathing, reminding herself it was a dream at the same time as reality flooded back and she knew Leia was gone.

She got out of the bunk, her body protesting with every movement, to go in search of Poe. Not ready to face the rest of the crew, she was relieved to find him not far away in the main hold, and Finn was with him. Their earnest conversation ended abruptly as soon as she entered. She felt self conscious in Poe’s sleep clothes when Finn looked her up and down.

“Am I interrupting?” she asked tentatively when neither of them held her gaze for longer than a few seconds.

“I was just letting Finn know what happened,” said Poe, then the two men shared a look that suggested there was more to it than that.

Finn was breathing faster than normal, his nostrils flared as she felt the seething anger within him. She slipped into the seat next to Poe who handed her his half drunk mug of caf. Rey held it for warmth, unable to think about drinking anything so strong on her empty stomach.

“Is it true? Ren’s really down there?” Finn questioned her. “That was the mission you couldn’t tell me about?”

She nodded faintly. “I’m sorry. I wanted to. But Leia—”

“You mean General Organa, who’s dead?”

“She believed her son would turn from the dark side. And she was right. Ben Solo—”

“Ben Solo is Kylo Ren,” Finn insisted. “You talk about him like he’s not the same person but he is. I know!”

Finn stabbed the table with a finger for emphasis, making her jump slightly. Then she let out a long, calming breath before launching into an explanation.

“It’s more complicated than that, Finn. He was lost to the dark side but thanks to Leia he has found the light again. It doesn’t excuse his past actions and he may never atone for what he’s done. But he wants to try.”

“He almost killed me, Rey,” Finn said angrily. “He did kill countless others, including Han...right in front of us. Or did you forget that?”

“Of course I didn’t.”

A tense silence fell as Finn and Rey stared at each other across the dejarik table, neither giving an inch.

Then Poe cleared his throat and picked up the datapad on the table. “We got the preliminary analysis from the databanks on Ren’s ship. There’s still a huge amount to go through but we now have the locations of what appears to be every First Order base and their entire fleet.”

“If it’s true,” Finn grumbled.

“It’s true,” Rey bit back.

Poe looked cautiously from Rey to Finn. “The bases include stormtrooper training facilities. Four so far that we’ve been able to identify.”

He handed the datapad to Finn who was frowning. He quickly scanned through the information. “Termeil. That’s the name of the place I was taken as a kid. I didn’t even know what system it was in.”

“Now we do,” Poe replied.

Finn said nothing as he stared at the screen again. “What are we going to do about this?” he asked finally, addressing Poe.

“Admiral Holdo’s called a meeting for 0900. She wants you there as well.”

“We can get them out,” breathed Finn.

“Yeah we can, buddy.”

Rey gave him a small, hopeful smile when Finn looked over to her.

“This doesn’t change what I think about him,” Finn muttered. “It’ll never make up for what he’s done.”

“I don’t expect it to,” she said. “This isn’t easy...for any of us. But some good might come of it, of Leia’s sacrifice. She believed it would.”

Finn’s lips puckered as he considered her words. “Okay then. I’ll see you at the meeting.”

He got up and handed the datapad back to Poe. He moved to leave but paused by Rey’s side.

“I’m glad you’re back,” he managed to say.

“Me too.”

Rey wiped at her eyes and sniffed indelicately after he’d gone, and knew Poe was watching her.

“You should get dressed,” he said. “Holdo expects you at the meeting too.”

She had hoped he would have something else to say, some reassuring words that things would get better. But he just looked at her with an inscrutable expression that increased her worry. Rey slid out of the bench seat and paused but Poe was studying the datapad again, making no move to follow her. She swallowed the painful lump in her throat as she walked quickly back to the crew hold, wishing she could get her emotions in check so every little thing didn’t make her want to burst into tears.

Rey found her spare clothes where she left them. She supposed it wouldn’t be long before they had to vacate the _Falcon_ , given how few ships the Resistance now had. She was sure Poe had other quarters on the _Raddus_ but wasn’t so sure about any for her, or the former presumption that she would share his. Rey reminded the weak part of herself that she’d been alone all of her life, and the prospect of being so again should not threaten to undo her.

She dressed quickly so as not to delay the inevitable. As she re-tied her hair in the Jedi braid the Caretakers had shown her, she caught sight of the chain around her neck. Rey sat on the bunk, intending to pull her boots on, but instead she withdrew the ring from under her shirt and stared down at it in her palm.

“How’s your shoulder?”

Poe was standing in the open doorway, his arms crossed over his chest.

“Better, I think,” she said. It hadn’t hurt when she changed clothes so she took it as a good sign.

“Let’s take a look.” He sat beside her on the bunk and removed the patch to inspect the wound. “You need to keep it on a bit longer.”

He retrieved the medkit from the floor and applied a new bacta patch, then reapplied more gel to her left temple even though the bruise was now barely visible. She watched him as he concentrated on the task, his eyes not meeting hers. For all of his caring treatment of her since she returned, she felt the emotional wedge between them keenly. Everything was different now and she feared it would never be the same again.

“Can you forgive me?” she asked, her voice low.

“For what?”

“For Ben. For Leia.”

Poe exhaled sharply and put the bacta gel away. “What happened to her wasn’t your fault.”

“I couldn’t bear it if you hated me,” she persisted.

“I don’t hate you, Rey.”

She reluctantly pulled the chain off over her head and dropped it and the ring into her other hand. “Not hating me isn’t exactly the same as loving me, is it?”

“What are you doing?”

“You told me you were waiting to give this to someone you loved as much as your father loved your mother.”

Poe’s jaw clenched. “I also told you I didn’t want it back.”

She shook her head. “I’m not going to hold you to something you said before… Before I ruined it.”

“What exactly is it that you think you’ve ruined?”

“All of it!” she cried, her frustration overflowing. “Finn can barely look at me. He’ll never get over my bringing Ben back. And the Resistance? They all stare at me like I killed Leia.”

“You can’t expect them to not be upset. They loved her, every one of them.”

“And you… You’ve been angry at me ever since you first found out I could communicate with him. You blamed me—”

“I don’t blame you for anything!” Poe exclaimed, pushing off the bunk. “But I fucking hate him, and I hate that you see something in him that the rest of us don’t. That even the smallest part of you or Leia could be like him, enough to empathize with a torturer and a murderer and want to help him. If that’s the Force then you can fucking keep it.”

Rey rose slowly from the bunk, her hand closing around the ring. She met his gaze and stood firm. “I can’t change that part of me, Poe.”

“I’m not asking you to,” he said, the anger in his voice draining. “I know it’s who you are and wishing otherwise won’t change anything. I don’t want to change you, Rey. I love you. I just wasn’t prepared to lose her. Not yet.”

Her brow furrowed. “You love me?”

“Of course I do. Why else would I have given you this?” He took her hand in his and picked up the ring. “This is yours, if you still want it. I am, too.”

Rey’s face flushed as she felt relief wash through her. “I want it,” she murmured.

“Well, put it on then,” he said with an impatient sigh. “We have a meeting to get to.”

Rey’s eyes didn’t leave his as he slipped the chain over her head once more, and she left the ring visible rather than tucking it into her shirt. He went to leave but she grabbed onto his arm.

“Wait.” Rey tugged him back towards her, and tilted her face up to kiss him.

She pulled back to look into his eyes, searching for answers to questions she was too afraid to ask. He might love her but if he didn’t trust her, if he couldn’t bring himself to kiss her back the way he—

Any concern she felt evaporated when Poe’s lips were on hers and he kissed her soundly. When they broke apart she stood on her toes and wrapped her arms firmly around his neck.

“I love you,” she whispered, her mouth pressed to his ear.  

Rey hoped it was enough, because she felt like she had lost everything else and didn’t know how to make it right.

 

———

 

They arrived at the command center together, and Rey took a deep breath before stepping into the room. The assembled officers and crew all stared at her, their grief and distrust evident – she didn’t need to be Force sensitive to feel it. She spied Finn among them and he gave her a nod.

Admiral Holdo entered from what had been Leia’s quarters, now hers as the new head of the Resistance.

“Thank you for joining us, Commanders,” she said to them. “Let’s get started, shall we?”

Holdo nodded to Commander D’Acy who brought up a map on the holotable. It was dotted with red marks.

“These are the First Order base locations,” D’Acy said. “Several we already knew about, but these…” She punched a few buttons to bring up views of multiple planets. “These are the ones we’re most interested in.”

“From what we’ve been able to determine based on the data in Ren’s shuttle these are the locations of most tactical value,” the Admiral said. “Weapons, supplies, and personnel.”

“You mean stormtroopers,” Finn clarified.

“Yes. Finn here will be able to provide a unique viewpoint as we plan our next moves, beginning with the liberation of the First Order’s stormtrooper facilities. Commander Dameron, I’d like you to take the lead on this.”

“Yes, Admiral,” he said with barely a hint of surprise.

“Our focus is now on gathering our allies and remaining resources. Having this data may feel like we have the upper hand but the First Order’s bases and fleet can be moved, access codes changed, and leadership replaced. Time is of the essence. So we will be departing this system tomorrow. The _Ninka_ will leave immediately under the command of Vice Admiral Harys with a small crew to prepare our new base.”

“Do you want Black Squadron to go along?” Poe asked.

“Not yet… We may need our starfighters,” Holdo said, glancing at Rey. “By the end of today I want a detailed plan of where we strike first and how. Let’s get to work.”

The command team broke away into urgent conversations, more energized than Rey had seen them. Finn made a beeline for Poe, and she was about to join them when Admiral Holdo was at her side.

“Commander Rey, a word.” Holdo indicated towards her room and Rey followed her inside. The Admiral moved a few datapads around on her desk, making her wait, before offering her a seat.

Holdo’s tone was clipped but courteous when she spoke. “Leia spoke very highly of you. She shared with me the likely outcome of your meeting with Kylo Ren. She was prepared. I can’t say the same for the rest of us.”  

Rey didn’t know what to say so she didn’t open her mouth.

“I don’t like working with the enemy,” the Admiral continued, “but I can’t deny the assistance that Ren’s information will bring us. The question is what do we do with you.”

“Do with me?”

“What are your plans now?”

Rey hadn’t expected the question, not from her. “I haven’t really considered that. Not yet.”

“I’m aware of your skills, piloting and otherwise. If you wish to join us there is a place for you in the Resistance. There is not, however, a place for Ben Solo. Not now. Not under my leadership. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Admiral. I understand.”

“If that will make things difficult for you, so be it. You’ll have until tomorrow to decide.”

Rey was at a loss for words, unsure if she was dismissed or if Holdo had more to say on the subject. The door to her office opened and Connix arrived with a tray of food and another datapad tucked under her arm.

“Thank you, Lieutenant,” Holdo said, accepting the datapad but paying no attention to the food.

Connix gave Rey a wary look and left the room.

“I assume you haven’t eaten so I thought we could have breakfast together,” Holdo murmured distractedly as she read whatever was on the pad. “And perhaps you can tell me exactly what happened when Snoke was killed.”

Any hunger Rey was feeling evaporated at the request, but Holdo was looking at her intently now, and poured her a cup of caf.

“Please. I’d like to hear it.”

Rey accepted the cup and nodded.

 

———

 

They spent the day strategizing different scenarios, Rey never far from Holdo at the Admiral’s insistence. Rey was glad that Finn was involved in the discussions, as he and Poe determined their plans to reach the stormtrooper trainees and free them from the First Order’s control. She said little during the meetings, though Poe encouraged her to contribute. She often found herself lost in thought as she considered Holdo’s offer that was really more of an ultimatum, and she would need to decide quickly.

Late in the afternoon transports were organized to take the majority of the Resistance down to the island for the ceremony for Leia. Rey flew in the _Falcon_ instead, at Chewbacca’s insistence, along with Finn, Rose, Poe and the morose Wookiee. They made their way up from the bottom of the island where the ship was berthed, joining the crowd that had gathered in the clearing. A funeral pyre had been constructed by the Caretakers, befitting a Jedi, and Leia’s body was laid upon it surrounded by the small white flowers that grew in abundance on Ahch-To.

Rey wore her Jedi robes, grateful for the warmth they provided from the cold that descended upon them as the twin suns disappeared in the sky. Members of the Resistance wore their dress uniforms where they still had them, their most formal clothes where they didn’t. She kept to the back of the group with Poe so as not to draw any more attention to herself. He kept his arm around her the entire time, ignoring the suspicious looks of some of the crew, and silently challenging those of them whose glares were more threatening. No one said anything to her, and as soon as Vice Admiral Holdo moved to the front of the group to say a few words of tribute to their General, their attention and emotions were directed elsewhere. When it came time Luke made no speech. He stepped forward and lit the pyre without a word as the rest of the Resistance looked on and said their final farewells to Leia Organa.

Apart from a skeleton crew on their ships, there was only one other absence. Rey wasn’t surprised that Ben didn’t attend. She knew the crowd would not react well to the sight of him, and she didn’t want there to be any more animosity than there already was. There would be little the rest of them could do to stop Chewie if he decided to seek revenge for Han and Leia, or if someone else tried to take a shot at him. She doubted Ben would even try to stop them.

It was completely dark when the ceremony was over and groups began to return to the _Raddus_ where there would be a gathering in the mess that Snap was in charge of. A less formal and more raucous celebration of Leia’s life, Rey guessed, and not an entirely sober one. She snuggled into Poe’s arms as he stood talking with his friends, neither caring who knew about them anymore.

“You ready?” he murmured as Finn and Rose made a move to leave.

“I think I need to stay a while longer,” she said. “Would you mind if I came back later in the _Falcon_?”

He shook his head, not bothering to ask why when he could already guess. “We can go back on the transport.”

“I won’t be long.”

He kissed her cheek. “Take your time.”

Rey waved to the others as they left for the transport, including a reluctant Chewie. She walked up to Luke’s side where he stood near the still-burning pyre, the flames reflecting in his pale eyes.

“How is he?” she asked, ensuring everyone else was out of earshot.

“Quiet. He’s spent most of the day in meditation, not sleeping or eating. But he will. Eventually.”

Rey bit her lip, feeling somehow responsible for Ben now at the same time as wanting nothing further to do with him. “Can you help him?”

Luke let out a long breath. “I can try. I can try to do better this time.”

“I should talk to him. I need to make a decision about my future.”

“You know what to do,” Luke said sagely.

She turned to leave, realizing she did know where to find him, when Luke called out to her.

“Thank you. Thank you for bringing Ben back to me.”

She couldn’t quite bring herself to smile but she was grateful for Luke’s words. She left him then, taking a path lit by moonlight and memory, and made her way to the outcrop where she had sliced through the rock with her lightsaber. It really was a good meditation spot, looking out over the vast ocean of Ahch-To. When she turned her head she saw the distant flames of the pyre, and she looked at Ben who was sat cross-legged on the stone platform, his back to it. In the darkness she could just make out that he was in Jedi robes like hers, not his old black clothing.

“Is it over?” he asked solemnly.

“It is.”

He moved on the rock, shifting to make room for her and she sat down. They remained in silence for a long time. She could feel him through the Force, less conflicted but no less sad.

“The Resistance will be leaving tomorrow,” she said eventually. “The information they’ve gathered from your shuttle will be a great help against the First Order.”

Ben didn’t reply for a long moment. “They’re leaving. What about you?”

“I’m to decide before then what I want to do.”

“Luke told me you commenced your training with him.”

“I did.”

“If you stayed we could finish it together.” He glanced fleetingly at her. “I said I’d teach you, but I still have too much to learn. Or re-learn.”

Rey sighed. “Not so long ago all I wanted was to learn about the Force and the Jedi. I’m not so sure anymore.”

“I don’t know what the future holds either.”

“Maybe that’s a good thing,” she said, gazing up into the star-studded sky. “Those Force visions aren’t always reliable. Look at us, here.”

“I like it here,” he murmured. “It’s peaceful.”

“Me too. But it’s time for me to go.” She got up from the slab, her mind made up. Rey saw the mild panic in his eyes and understood what he was feeling. It didn’t deter her. “I hope you stay on this path, for good this time. Maybe I’ll see you again someday. Goodbye, Ben.”

He struggled with his reply. “Goodbye.”

She started to walk away.

“Rey,” he said, his voice thick. “May the Force be with you.”

“And with you,” she said sincerely.

 

———

 

Rey walked down to the base of the island which was silent apart from the cooing of nesting porgs and the crashing of waves against the rocks below. She saw the glow of the _Millennium Falcon_ ’s lights as she neared its mooring, but it wasn’t until she was closer that she saw the extended ramp and Poe sat there waiting for her. The thump in her chest was involuntary, her smile less so as she jogged the remaining distance. He stood in time for her to rush into his arms.

“I decided to wait,” he said, swaying her gently as he held her. “Hope you don’t mind.”

She kissed him deeply in response.

“It wasn’t that I thought you wouldn’t come back…” he went on unconvincingly when she let him go. “I thought you might want some company.”

“I don’t mind a bit.”

It was too cold to sit out in the night air, so Rey led him to the main hold where they sat side by side on the lounge seat so they could talk. Almost their entire relationship had played out on the ship, she realized. It was fitting, then, that they’d discuss what came next there.

“I spoke to Holdo,” Poe started. “She said the two of you talked about the Resistance leaving tomorrow.”

“We did. I still don’t think she trusts me.”

“She just doesn’t know you.”

“Maybe.”

Poe scrubbed a hand through his hair, leaving behind messy curls. “She offered me a promotion. To oversee the entire Resistance fleet, when we have one again.”

“Congratulations,” she said, surprised that he didn’t seem more enthusiastic.

“What about Luke and…him?” Poe asked with reluctance.

“Luke won’t leave the island. Not now. He’ll stay here with Ben.”

“Does that mean you’re staying with them?”

Rey looked at him.

“I get it. I mean, I understand if you need to stay,” said Poe resignedly. “You still want to learn about the Force and now there’s two other Jedi.”

“I do still have a lot to learn,” she admitted. “But I won’t be training as a Jedi. Not in the old ways.”

“What does that mean?”

She looked at him hopefully. “I heard you might need some new pilots. I’d like to volunteer.”

Poe frowned in response. “I just figured, all that talk of your destiny, and your place…”

“I did what I needed to do. What Leia asked me to do. The rest is up to Ben. And Luke.” She reached out to take his hand. “Staying on Ahch-To with them isn’t what I want. I’d like to try being part of a family, even if it’s a ragtag bunch of rebels. I’d like to spend time with Finn, and talk about the _Falcon_ with Rose. I’d like to go back to Jakku and try and find my parents like I planned. I’d like to keep going with my studies my own way, and visit Luke every now and again. I’d like to see how Ben is doing, and meditate with him, and learn from his mistakes. And I’d like to be with you. Properly, like an actual couple. I have no idea if I’ll be any good at it, but I’d like to try. If you would.”

“I would,” he replied. Poe stared at her, his eyes shining, then grimaced for effect. “Problem is...technically I’ll outrank you.”

“I could probably learn to call you ‘sir’,” she said with a shrug. “In front of the squadron, at least.”

“Colonel,” he clarified, as his fingers trailed up her arm under her robe. “And you’d have to follow orders.”

Rey’s pulse quickened when he leaned in to breathe against her neck. “I could probably learn to do that, too. It just might take some practice.”

Poe peppered her skin with light kisses until he found her mouth with his. He rested his forehead against hers then. “Once we go back the _Falcon_ will be needed for missions. We won’t be able to stay on board anymore.”

“Then we should probably make tonight count. Colonel,” she added as an afterthought.

He brushed his fingers down her cheeks before kissing her again.

“Welcome to the Resistance, Commander,” he murmured.

 

———

 

Even with the information provided by Ben Solo the war raged for almost two years more.

The strategic attacks by the growing Resistance, whose ranks swelled with allies emboldened by their initial victories and volunteers from the ranks of the liberated stormtrooper facilities, crippled the First Order. Supreme Leader Hux, abandoned by the Knights of Ren who disappeared after their leader’s defection, waged a brutal campaign at the cost of most of his military forces.

A New Republic government was formed to replace the one lost on Hosnian Prime, and Vice Admiral Holdo’s responsibilities were soon more political than militarial, leaving the leadership of the Resistance to the newly appointed General Poe Dameron.

Rey was their best pilot, the mantle well and truly passed to her when she led two squadrons against a First Order Dreadnought-class warship and was victorious. Since then they’d destroyed the entire Dreadnought fleet with new stealth bombers acquired from wealthy allies. The end was inevitable.

She returned to the current Resistance base from her latest mission. Holdo moved the High Command’s location regularly, and Rey liked this one the best – it rained non-stop. She was overdue for a visit to Ahch-To and hoped to convince the General to spare her for a week so she could see Luke and Ben.

“What the hell was that, Commander?” a flustered Poe demanded when she entered the command center.

“We saw an opportunity to cripple three Star Destroyers and we took it, General,” she said as she stalked straight into his private meeting room so he had to follow.

“The mission was reconnaissance only.”

“Not after they spotted us. I need to talk to Rose about our cloaking beacons, they’re still playing up.”

The door closed behind him and she threw him a sly grin.

“Don’t even start, I learned one of those maneuvers from you when you put me in my first X-wing,” she said.

Poe tossed a datapad onto his desk with a sigh. “You may be good but you’re not indestructible. Nor is the rest of the squadron.”

“Just good?” she said, scrunching up her nose.

Poe’s jaw tensed as he tried not to smile. She knew he wouldn’t hold it against her – Rey’s instincts as a pilot had been proved right too many times to count for that. She was more valuable in the cockpit than sidelined by rule-breaking, even though she knew it pained the leader in him to admit it.

“There’s a message from Finn waiting for you,” he said, changing the subject from an argument he rarely won.

“Oh, how is he?”

“Good. He and Chewie are due back in a couple of weeks.” Poe was distracted by a report on his datapad and didn’t see her questioning look.

“Does that give me time…?”

He glanced up. “If you still want to go to Ahch-To you can. Karé will lead the squad until you’re back.”

She grinned happily while Poe went on reading his report.

“Before you get any ideas about leaving immediately I need a debrief on the Star Destroyers,” he said without looking at her.

Rey pressed her lips together. Even though she was in a buoyant mood she wouldn’t give in and make a lewd comment about being debriefed – not when Poe had bet her a hundred credits that she couldn’t refrain from doing so every time.

“I need the stripped down facts,” he went on. “The bare details. The naked truth.”

She swore under her breath as warmth pooled in her belly. “And you say I’m inappropriate.”

“I’m off duty as of three minutes ago,” he said innocently, with a brief check of his wrist chrono.

“Shame, I promised to work with Rose on the X-wing boosters all evening.” Rey looked at him dolefully but couldn’t keep it up for long in response to his pained expression. “Kidding! I’m going to get started on that debrief right now, General.”

“You’re gonna be the death of me,” he chuckled.

“Probably shouldn’t have asked me to marry you, then.”

“Probably not.”

Rey left him with a grin, knowing he would wait a respectable few minutes before following her to their quarters. She would visit the Jedi on Ahch-To, then Finn would be back on base, then in the coming months the war would finally be over.

She didn’t know exactly what would happen after that – Poe wanted to leave the military, having experienced enough fighting for a lifetime, and was looking forward to mustering out. She had travelled the galaxy on missions for the Resistance but hadn’t made it back to Jakku yet. Rey still had the Jedi texts and liked to study them, even after Luke had refused to take them back, deciding they were of little use after all.

She wanted to keep flying in some capacity after the war, something she loved to do, but the idea of settling down somewhere safe, somewhere out of the public eye, was increasingly appealing to her. Especially once they were married, as they’d promised each other a year ago. Especially when they lay in each other’s arms and whispered plans about curly-haired children that their grandfather would spoil rotten.

She didn’t have a clear picture of the future, not yet, but Rey didn’t mind.

She looked forward to finding out what would happen.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you made it to the end, thanks so much for reading. Farewell!


End file.
